Anaveridice
It has been approximately 4 months since DDay. I recently had my yearly check-up and tested positive for a STD (virus without a cure). I am so angry, hurt, confused, and not sure how to move forward. My WH said he used protection. Whether he did or not, I now have to live with not only the choice he made to uproot our marriage, but also a virus with no cure. Has anyone else dealt with this? If so, what are your thoughts? Please share your experience.
Quote 0 0
TimT
I've had quite a few clients who picked up an STD because of their spouse's sexual infidelities. Most of the issues related to recovery are about dealing with healing of deep wounds that can be left in the past, but at least three consequences have permanent ongoing implications: STDs, babies born as a result of the affair, and divorce. 

Talk about injustice: your husband does wrong and you must carry a burden for the rest of your life. I am so sorry for that. The path toward forgiveness and healing is a steep one, for sure. I hope others who have had to struggle in similar ways will be able to share their story here.
Quote 0 0
surviving
Anaveridice - I am so sorry you have to deal with this on top of his unfaithfulness.  I thought it was bad enough that I have to deal with 34+ years of unfaithfulness.  It just broke my heart to read your story.  I am so sorry!  
Quote 0 0
Anna26
I echo what Surviving says here, Anaveridice.  You must be so distraught right now to discover this on top of everything else.  Some of the stories on here are far worse than my own and my heart goes out to you and everyone on here that has much more to deal with than me.  It puts it all in perspective.  Thinking of you...
Quote 0 0
Anaveridice
Thank you for your responses. I don't feel that my circumstances or situation is any worse than yours or others who are dealing with an affair. The wounds as a result from betrayal and deception are still wounds. It's just a little more difficult for me now to feel safe moving forward. I thought about why it should make a difference. I mean, I've been trying to move forward. It's just after this added onto the plate of forgiveness...I feel like the ground has just been taken from my feet. It's as if I'm back to DDay all over again. I guess I'm struggling with feeling protected. It seemed that it was one thing to seek affection from another but to put my health and well being at risk seems altogether different from just breaking my heart. It's a whole new perspective. The recklessness from negligence and hiding it from me! Knowing something was wrong and still putting me at risk?! I get why someone would lie about an affair even if they love their spouse. But who lies or hides something like this and lays with the one they "love"? Selfish isn't even a word to describe it.
Quote 0 0
Jennifer
I too discovered that I had contracted a STD from my WS. This was a year after D-Day and I can relate to feeling like I was back to square one.  I had to have a very painful procedure done because of this STD and all I could feel in that moment was anger toward my spouse. Discovering this was a step back in our recovery but not the ending.

I think what helped in my situation was the fact that we were already a year in the recovery process so I was able to express how I felt and receive the reassurance and apology that I needed at that time. He was able to take responsibility and express his deep regret again over the choices that he made. This is what was healing and helpful for me. Had he approached this situation in a defensive manner than it may have been a longer or different process for us.

I am now 4 years from that procedure and discovery of the STD. I cannot say that I am never angry and every visit to the GYN brings with it anxiety but we are able to talk about it together. It is ok to be angry and question everything. I see this as a very normal response to this situation and I can see why this would be a block in your path of moving forward and I know how hard this is to come to terms with.

It took me time and a lot of prayer to move forward and to be able to accept the situation knowing I will live with this reminder for the rest of my life. Getting through that moment though showed me how strong I had become and now serves as a reminder that I am capable of healing from so much more than I ever gave myself credit for.

I am truly sorry you are going through this!

Quote 1 0
UrbanExplorer
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I was the unfaithful spouse and agreed to STD testing after the affair came out. Tests were all negative, but I probably never felt more ashamed than when I sat in the doctor's office, at 41 years of age after a 20 year relationship and three children, asking for testing and thinking about how I might have risked my spouse's health.
Quote 2 0
surviving
UrbanExplorer - I had my WS get tested for STD's too.  If it came back positive, he would not only have endangered me, but also the children that were born after he received his STD.  That was the scary part.  I told my children that they might have to get the STD test themselves.  That would have been awful for all.  My WH's test did come back negative.  He was thoroughly embarrassed that he had to tell the nurse that he had MANY partners besides his wife.  Talk about a slap in the face.
Quote 0 0
DeathIsOnlyTheeBeginning
I am aware if this feeling. I feel for you in this regard. I had the same thing happen to me on top of my spouse getting pregnant by her AP. That child is now a year old. That was an extremely difficult time. My spouse had an affair 1 month after my little brother was killed. Needless to say, I am happy being where I am right now away from all of the madness. Oh the stories I could tell. 
Quote 0 0
raggedylaura
It is actually better to get an STD.

Not because it is a good thing.....but because it is warning to WS, that they are messing with stuff they shouldn't be.

Now, I really think that healthcare workers that mess around like this are hypocrites and if your spouse is a HEALTHCARE worker.......there should be a way to report him/her and cause him/her to loose liscense.  Enough is enough.
Quote 0 0
Dirazz
There's nothing you can do it's on their own time. Their lunch breaks they are clocked out. My husband went to HR and told them the whole truth when he gave his notice. The OW denied it all. There would have been an investigation but no need because my husband left. This is how messed up things are there his manager and supervisor tried to get him to stay because HR couldn't prove anything because the cameras in the parking lot weren't working. That floor was so evil!!
Quote 0 0
Dirazz
raggedylaura, you think someone should loose their livley hood over an affair? That's a bit extreme. My husband as asked God for forgiveness so he is forgiven. And I have forgiven him too. He's in the word everyday and does everything he can to make me feel safe and secure.
Quote 0 0