Given that my FWH frequently travels for work, I have had to deal with this plenty.
As far the actual logistics go, I have found that touching base throughout the day and Face Timing can help ease the anxiety. Giving your own self things to do to keep your mind occupied and engaged also help. It won't make it disappear but it can lessen it. As you know, this has nothing to do with logic. I was well aware that if my husband wanted to he could be texting/calling/contacting his AP (or someone new) on the way to the store, when he was getting gas, in the bathroom, etc. If there's a will, there's a way - especially in the digital age. So the only real relief came when I began to believe (at a deep level) that he really didn't WANT to. That his motivation wasn't solely about not hurting me (a good reason, but what happens when he's mad at me or feeling hurt ?), that it wasn't just because he was happy and feeling connected in our marriage (another good one, but it's not always going to be rainbows and butterflies) but also because HE had an unwavering commitment to never, ever be a deceptive person again - FOR HIMSELF. Losing his integrity was painful and something he did not want to experience again. Have you and your wife been going to marriage counseling or individual counseling? Has she explored the reasons behind the choices she made and taken steps to address those places within herself? Has she been seeking to understand your boundaries and honoring them? Going out of her way to be transparent and looking for ways to make you feel safe and valued? These are the things that are necessary to rebuild on solid footing. If she's leaving it up to YOU to find ways of feeling safe this will be a long and likely, fruitless road. As you know, you can't control/ police anyone (not that all of us haven't tried to for at least some time during this process.) She needs to want to make the changes and to show you that you have a STRONG reason to believe that your heart is safe in her hands, that she has changed her thinking and understanding in such significant ways that it is unlikely that she would make similar choices again. Otherwise you will live in a constant state of fight or flight and that is no way to live. Hopefully she is doing those things and you are just still on the long road of rebuilding trust and recovering from triggers that take far longer than any of us would like.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl