The divorce is eminent.  It is happening.  My WS never quit seeing the AP, and she wasn't his first.  It's been 18months since DD, and I am no longer any part of who I was.  I've lost nearly 100lbs, I have more confidence...but at what price?  I cant focus, I lost my job after 8years... worst of all I have begun online dating.  At first it just helped me gain confidence and I was talking to some interesting people.  Somewhere it got out of hand.  I'm doing that people pleasing thing again and I cant stop.  There is one person whom I really like, but a few others that I'd like to get to know better... the thing is the WS has caught on and now has cut off all financial support, he is acting like I'M the betrayer against HIM!  He is drowning me in supposed guilt and I try not to let it effect me(he still is in contact with the AP today!), but it does.  I cant sleep, i cant make decision, I don't trust my own thoughts or actions again.  I know he is narcissistic, but I thought I had freed myself from his prison of control, and now everything is falling apart. I know I need to make some tough decisions, about, 1 online dating, 2 financial-everything, 3 WS how to go no contact for good.  Some third party advice  would be welcome about now.  Thanks for listening.
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I am the WS, but I am also a lifelong people pleaser. Remember that you don't have to take on his stuff, like his guilt trip. You own your emotions, and he owns his. Put your boundaries in place.

The financial thing is shady but should be fixable by legal means, I assume.
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Member 59,

I think the best thing right now would be to take a step back and take time for yourself. Figure out who you are now outside of the marriage and who you want to be. Find healthy activities that you enjoy and give yourself permission to do them (exercise, read, knit, whatever your into). What was helpful to me was having someone else I could talk to who would listen and be real and honest with me. It is ok to take time to grieve the marriage if you have not done so. This allows you to move forward without anger and resentment.

You are stronger than you know!
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