eltel18
So right or wrong I checked my wife's phone ( if I'm honest I don't trust her 100% ) as you would of seen I found out some horrible stuff and not in one go and all found out by myself. Nothing from her.

Anyway. I went through her phone and found an old whatsap message to her friend saying.

Do you think I'm nuts?  Both Vinnyy and me are unhappy in our marriages but we are going to take things slow. Then said he's text me loads today, he's Fab.

I'm in such bad way. So I asked who he was. She said don't know who Vinny to yeah okay I met him on a works night out, didn't here from him until he called about some business which is when we started texting. 

I said how long did it go on for and she doesn't remember but that it wasn't long and she just stopped messaging him once she realised what was happening. 

This was a year before her affair with Phil.

I asked what did they text about and she says nothing really just day to day stuff. ( both spoke about their crappy marriages though) 

I asked her why she didnt tell me about him when I asked her to be totally honest but she says because it was nothing.

I'm confused again.
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Vanessa
You are confused because you are expecting honesty from the person you love and want to trust.  But she is not/has not been completely honest with you.  That betrayal messes with your mind.  Peace and strength to you as you navigate this emotional storm.
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MC
eltel18 wrote:


I asked her why she didnt tell me about him when I asked her to be totally honest but she says because it was nothing.

I'm confused again.


When you're in discovery, or whenever there are facts yet to be revealed, everything is something to the BS.  But the WS has a hard time understanding that.  Our MC made that point for me.  It sounds like your wife answered your questions, but perhaps she really didn't think that item was important which is why she did not volunteer the information.  The key is for you two to talk.  And let her know that you want to resolve anything that represented a disconnection between you and she.

Male BS, D-day 3-15-17 
________________
Male BS
D-Day 3.15.2017


Taking care of myself, as we all deserve to do.
Encouraging all to bolster their: Emotional Health, Physical Health and Spiritual Health
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Keepabuzz
Eltel18,

First off, The is NOTHING WRONG with checking your wife’s phone, now, next week, next year, forever. She is the one that betrayed you, more than once. She destroyed your trust. Don’t feel guilty for protecting yourself, ever.  She is clearly minimizing and lying to you about this Vinny guy. For me it would be the last straw. Without question this was another betrayal. She certainly didn’t think “it was nothing”. Talking about taking it slow, she knew EXACTLY what she was doing. She didnt tell you about it, because she didn’t think you would ever find out. It is that simple. She was not honest with you even after her other betrayal came out. You gave her a second chance that she certainly didn’t deserve, but she needed to come clean, and start living with 100% transparency. She instead decided to keep obvious truths from you, that she was well aware were extremely important. She has try to rebuild your relationship, while there is still rotting bodies of her betrayals in the foundation.  
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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arizons
Keepabuzz wrote:
Eltel18,

First off, The is NOTHING WRONG with checking your wife’s phone, now, next week, next year, forever.  
Damn STRIGHT! after D-day... I installed hoverwatch on my husband's phone. HE has NO IDEA its there. records all phone calls, texts, website...EVERYTHING to an online service as well as his GPS locations! NOPE I don't trust him...he earned that...and I spy the hell out of his phone on him!!!!!!!!!!!!
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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