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ThrivenotSurvive
I am an over-thinker extraordinaire, so trust me when I say that I suffered from the mind movies and mulling of every decision I made, he made and the AP made, it's an understatement.

In the early days it's nearly impossible to stop, but the more you can learn tools that work for you, the quicker you regain your life.

I tried using alcohol in the beginning, but due to the way it effects me, it actually made me far more depressed and volatile.  My worst "acting out" episodes were ALL alcohol-related.  So I set to finding every other possible way of getting "out of my head".  

I'd love to tell you I found one thing that worked all the time - but I didn't.  However over time I developed a list of things that helped and I'd work my way down them until I found the one that worked that day.

Here's my list:
- EMDR (I really, really suggest this).  I did some professionally with a therapist and did some at home on myself.  I used a different technique then notemanj but it's the same concept.  I'v read a lot about how the brain works (long before this happened) and used every single bit of brain science to work on "re-wiring" my brain after the trauma.  This really is a version of PTSD and treating it as such from the get-go will help you heal better and more completely.
- Listening to audio books about completely unrelated topics WHILE doing something physical (biking, walking, cleaning, whatever.)  The physical movement helps deal with the stress hormones that are being released in your system while having to listen to something that requires attention helps redirect your brain.  Sometimes I listened to how -to books, sometimes science fiction, sometimes I enjoyed listening to books about people who had been able to thrive after trauma (there's a book by Elizabeth Smart that fascinated me).  It just needed to be something I was engaged in.
- Sometime movies or TV shows could help - but man, sometimes they could have unexpected triggers, so tread carefully here.  
- I am very alternative healthcare minded so I used some things that might sound pretty far-out.  However, on the off chance you'd be interested in seeing if they work for you, I will share. First - 200c Arnica (it's a homeopathic medicine for trauma.  There are less potent versions (15c and 30c) that are typically used for muscle trauma, but the higher level is used for EMOTIONAL trauma.  I took one pill (they are tiny sugar pills) and dissolved it in water every day.  The I sipped that water throughout the day.  I did this for two bottles worth (about 3 months).  In addition I used Bach Flower remedies (found at health food stores).  I used several that were more specific to my personality, but the two that I would recommend for anyone in this situation are Star of Bethlehem (for grief) and the other is called Rescue Remedy (for trauma).  
- In addition I used a lot of the methods in a book called Living and Loving After Betrayal to work on refocusing on myself and stregthening my self-confidence and self-compassion.  

I also used binaural beats to help me mediate.  It was hard, but when I could actually achieve it, it really, really helped me.  

Be patient with yourself and find the things that work for you.  It will get better with time, but it's still VERY early for you.  Be kind to yourself when you fall down the rabbit hole.  We all did too.  And it will get easier.  
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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notemanj
Where did you get the Arnica? 
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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ThrivenotSurvive
I actually had to order it online.  Let me look and see what company.  Sometimes your health food store can order it for you too. They rarely keep it in stock as few people know to use it for that purpose.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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ThrivenotSurvive
I just checked and I bought it on Amazon.  I used the brand Boiron and the first bottle I used was 200c and the second was 1M  (both are potent enough for emotional trauma).

Here's an interesting article about it. https://www.homeopathycenter.org/homeopathy-today/when-disaster-strikes
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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Skelling
Thats so interesting I have been using arnica on the kids, as I know it helps with bruising but didn't know it helped with a bruised soul as well. I havent really thought about remedies like that for but now since you mention it my midwife would give them to me during my first pregnancy to calm me down. Of I could ust remember which one it was. Have to do some research there. Thank you for bringing that up.
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Hurting2014
Keepabuzz wrote:
I stayed drunk the first year (probably longer) too. Honestly that was the only way I could get any sleep or sleep without nightmares. I’m coming up on 4 years soon, and at times I still self medicate with alcohol.  


I wanted to get drunk all too often. Then and 5 years out. But I can't let it slip out that I have issues. People around me would probably freak out. I just can't let other people down, that is my problem. I feel like if I lose control, people would think of me as weak. I know. I know. Probably just my pride. I think I am dealing with this betrayal issue very poorly and unhealthily. 
Female, BS, D-day Mid 2014. Still sad. Trying to cope while no one else knows I am broken.
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pea
Hurting2014 wrote:


I wanted to get drunk all too often. Then and 5 years out. But I can't let it slip out that I have issues. People around me would probably freak out. I just can't let other people down, that is my problem. I feel like if I lose control, people would think of me as weak. I know. I know. Probably just my pride. I think I am dealing with this betrayal issue very poorly and unhealthily. 


If it is still this raw 5 years later, have you considered other options? I know how I feel at 18 months and if I made it to 5 years still absolutely miserable as you are I think I'd have to reassess things or at least make some sort of change. You deserve to be happy and feel some peace in your life. I'm only now seeing the light but I feel some relief knowing it will most likely continue to get better.
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HangingOn
You can get rid of stuff, triggers whatever but the things didn’t do anything to hurt you...only you can give them power.  The mind movie plays on IF you let its day it is hard to stop.  It makes me so mad when it does and I can’t stop it.  EMDR helped early on.  My counselor picked up on my snarky sense of humor and told me to rewrite the script when it happens...sometimes In my mind I get the chance to walk in and nail them...no opportunity for lies and I actually feel kind of powerful, other times it’s awkward like it should be when an older man and a girl less than half his age are naked.  My WS was so classy the AF had tatoos and piercings so making up awful funny scenes with that is easy.  In the beginning, I imagined loud obnoxious farts during the act.  Healthy or not...I think is helps the non stop reel in my head.  I’m even getting bored with the whole show.  It will get better.
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hurting
That’s an interesting (and hilarious) way of trying to alter the mind movies... which in their own, are horrific and torturous. It will get better- but 3 months in, the wounds are still so fresh and raw that it is very difficult to control. All I can say is that it does get better... I remember ending up on my knees and screaming alone in the room because of what I kept seeing- and it just kept going and replaying... it was like I was being tortured. I would see them even in my dreams... 

I’m stronger now. Yes it all happened- but that’s because my WS was a selfish lying cheating ass. And the AP was a stupid loose little girl. They’ve hurt me enough. I don’t need to hurt myself too. When they start now, I can mentally roll my eyes at how pathetic the entire scene is and tell it to kindly piss off. You will get there too.

Even if it seems impossible, practice purposefully trying to redirect your thoughts. It will gradually help...
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Dirazz
Changing your mindset definitely helped me. It’s not as easy as turning off a switch you have to make a conscious effort for sure. I would also say out loud” you have no power over me”.
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hurting
Agreed! I would sometimes have to have a talk with myself acknowledging why something might trigger me or hurt me, but also why that thing also doesn’t have the power that I have given it and saying the same thing- you have no power over me! (Just because an idiot or a whore might’ve done something associated with said trigger). And then purposefully thinking that every time.
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