I am an over-thinker extraordinaire, so trust me when I say that I suffered from the mind movies and mulling of every decision I made, he made and the AP made, it's an understatement.
In the early days it's nearly impossible to stop, but the more you can learn tools that work for you, the quicker you regain your life. I tried using alcohol in the beginning, but due to the way it effects me, it actually made me far more depressed and volatile. My worst "acting out" episodes were ALL alcohol-related. So I set to finding every other possible way of getting "out of my head". I'd love to tell you I found one thing that worked all the time - but I didn't. However over time I developed a list of things that helped and I'd work my way down them until I found the one that worked that day. Here's my list: - EMDR (I really, really suggest this). I did some professionally with a therapist and did some at home on myself. I used a different technique then notemanj but it's the same concept. I'v read a lot about how the brain works (long before this happened) and used every single bit of brain science to work on "re-wiring" my brain after the trauma. This really is a version of PTSD and treating it as such from the get-go will help you heal better and more completely. - Listening to audio books about completely unrelated topics WHILE doing something physical (biking, walking, cleaning, whatever.) The physical movement helps deal with the stress hormones that are being released in your system while having to listen to something that requires attention helps redirect your brain. Sometimes I listened to how -to books, sometimes science fiction, sometimes I enjoyed listening to books about people who had been able to thrive after trauma (there's a book by Elizabeth Smart that fascinated me). It just needed to be something I was engaged in. - Sometime movies or TV shows could help - but man, sometimes they could have unexpected triggers, so tread carefully here. - I am very alternative healthcare minded so I used some things that might sound pretty far-out. However, on the off chance you'd be interested in seeing if they work for you, I will share. First - 200c Arnica (it's a homeopathic medicine for trauma. There are less potent versions (15c and 30c) that are typically used for muscle trauma, but the higher level is used for EMOTIONAL trauma. I took one pill (they are tiny sugar pills) and dissolved it in water every day. The I sipped that water throughout the day. I did this for two bottles worth (about 3 months). In addition I used Bach Flower remedies (found at health food stores). I used several that were more specific to my personality, but the two that I would recommend for anyone in this situation are Star of Bethlehem (for grief) and the other is called Rescue Remedy (for trauma). - In addition I used a lot of the methods in a book called Living and Loving After Betrayal to work on refocusing on myself and stregthening my self-confidence and self-compassion. I also used binaural beats to help me mediate. It was hard, but when I could actually achieve it, it really, really helped me. Be patient with yourself and find the things that work for you. It will get better with time, but it's still VERY early for you. Be kind to yourself when you fall down the rabbit hole. We all did too. And it will get easier.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl