8xsmommy
It's been 15.5 weeks since DD .. Me and my WS are trying to work things out .. We're in counseling and trying to re discover our love for each other .. But every day is such a struggle .. I'm sad, angry, in pain every day .. I've been put on medication but that isn't even helping .. I feel like if it wasn't for my kids I would completely go insane .. I keep thinking : is this really my life .. I don't see ever coming out of this fog of misery .. Please please tell me things can and DO get better .. Sometimes I consider putting myself in a psychiatric setting just so I can get away from everything ..
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TimT
How much counseling did you receive to actually process the affair trauma? Did you jump right into marriage counseling and "rediscovering your love"? Just wondering if you've missed some important steps in the process.
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Heidi
Hi 8xsmommy. I can feel you pain just by reading your words, and I can tell you that a few months ago I was there with you. Recovering from my husband's affair has been the hardest and most painful thing I've ever done.

Nearly 17 months out from D day I can tell you that it does get better. If you're working together, and he's showing you how he's changing for the better, then things will calm down.

It's not a smooth or easy ride. More than 6 months after d day 1 he finally admitted to a 1 night liaison with someone different 15 years before. As you can imagine, it felt so traumatic to discover something else just when I was thinking I knew everything.

And yet here I am. Learning to trust my husband, feeling mostly happy, and hopeful that in the next year or so that happiness will increase. I have a husband who is a different man, a better man, and for that I'm glad.

Like you, for a long time it was my children who kept me going. And I, too, longed to be institutionalised. I wanted an escape from the pain. It felt unbearable.

It does get better. Please be kind to yourself. Plan nice things, dates with your husband, nights out with friends. Things that get you through each day.

Again, it DOES get better. I promise.
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Heidi
And I cross posted with Tim, but he's right about the counselling. Have you both had Individual counselling, too? For me it was so important in working through the pain. It was also important to see my WH working through his own issues, and trying to become a safe partner. He went to IC regularly for over a year, and still goes less often now. I can't tell you how much it helped to see him owning his own problems.
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8xsmommy
We've only been 2xs so far .. We haven't gotten very far ..
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Graceandhope
Oh honey, hugs to you. We tried two different therapists right off. But they both started with why are you here and what do you want, followed by what was it that you liked about each other in the beginning. The 2nd one ended on and answer from him about the affair , that u honestly can't remember but she didn't press him on it but I remember thinking it's good we had two cars 'cause I was going to kill him!

That and I was so very angry it was a feat to reach back to what things I liked about him. At the time I had visions of smothering him in his sleep.

Long way to say I was way too angry at that point for mc. For me I had to face it, feel it, throw things and beat up the inside of my closet! I had to look at things about me that this brought out. Lastly I wanted him to work thru some stuff first. Not just feel like he was changing his mind, again,

I had to figure out if I still liked him (and feel he felt the same ) before I could see if I wanted to stay.

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UrbanExplorer
I also struggled with marriage counseling done immediately. I think there is a shock phase after discovery (sometimes for both people) that sort of has to settle before you get enough ground under you to work on the relationship.
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aliasbsmith
You are not alone. We are here. You are not unusual. We all feel psychotic at first. This takes a looooooong time, excruciatingly long time. Tim is right about getting a counselor who is an affair counselor as opposed to just a regular marriage counselor. The trauma and pain we feel from an affair needs a different approach at first.  Generic counseling increased my pain and feelings of victimization. I probably could go there now...or soon. I have my own counselor, too.  Also, do you have a close, wise friend who won't judge you if/when you go off the rails, but will walk with you through this emotional onion-layer of hurt and self-discovery? That has been my biggest help. It took me over 6 months to even be able to read any books about affairs...I had to let the pain in slowly or I'd crumble. I started before that on a book just about grieving loss because I felt like something died...truth, my marriage, hope. My DD was in November 2014...we're still plodding through rebuilding hope, trust, love, a new marriage. You'll have days of hopelessness. I think that's normal. Two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, three steps back, reset, start over, one step forward. Praying helps, too. You matter to God.
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sunflower07
8xsmommy wrote:
It's been 15.5 weeks since DD .. Me and my WS are trying to work things out .. We're in counseling and trying to re discover our love for each other .. But every day is such a struggle .. I'm sad, angry, in pain every day .. I've been put on medication but that isn't even helping .. I feel like if it wasn't for my kids I would completely go insane .. I keep thinking : is this really my life .. I don't see ever coming out of this fog of misery .. Please please tell me things can and DO get better .. Sometimes I consider putting myself in a psychiatric setting just so I can get away from everything ..



Things do get better. For me, I would say I feel like I lost about 6 months of my life, so about 24 weeks if you are looking at time.

These 6 months are all a blur to me except for one thing. My job was my oasis and the only piece of sanity I had. At work, I had something to focus on and I HAD to keep it together there. So, find something like that if you can. A place to go to act normal.

It will eventually get better. Not all at once but a little bit everyday.
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AHmember113
Be kind to yourself, you are still in shock. Read and rely on this website for help and encouragement. Find yourself a counselor so you can talk and vent for yourself. I too would have done anything to edcape the pain which is indescribable but time helps heal and removes the sharp edge.
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