sluckie
My name is Sabrina and like many I've been emotionally, physically and spiritually hurt so bad by my husbands affair sometimes I ask is this a joke? Here's my story..... We've been married for 8 years. Met in the church and he was a virgin. It was a big celebration in which we made many people proud. We had a pretty good marriage up until about 2 years ago. He became a police officer and We had our 2nd child. We were on two different schedules and I felt like a single mom with two kids under 3. I noticed he was distant and I had a lot of built up anger towards him all the time. Something was happening. So the woman instinct in me began snooping. I snooped in the place he always had his face ( his phone) . One morning while in the shower he received a message. So of course I checked it. The message said I miss you and the message before this woman's message was hey beautiful. When I read this I couldn't think straight. BEAUTIFUL!!! how could he call someone else beautiful and won't even look at me. So I confronted him. He admitted it but brushed it off like it was no big deal because it was just an online thing no sex. Even said if your going to blame like this can I at least do the real thing. Mind blowing !!!! Needless to say I was too through and he begged for forgiveness, literally. I agreed but only if we went to counseling. We were in counseling for about 2 months before I found another message exactly the same from a different woman. But this time my husband admits to it and says their in love. ( after 2 weeks) well where the heck was I when they were falling in love. He even had the nerve to tell me he never loved me !! I lost it completely. Screaming! Throwing things! Cussing him and her out ! Tore up our marriage certificate !it felt like a demon came out. We tried to recover from this by seeking advice from Godly friends. For about a month we worked on it. Then he started getting distant again. No sex didn't want to talk to me nothing!! Then one night while I was sleep he got up and just left!!!!! I didn't speak to him until a day later in which he called to tell me he drove 9 hrs away in the middle of the night leaving his wife and kids to be with the 2nd woman. While on his way back his car completely stopped on the HWY and he had to hitch hike. ( how about that a cop hitch hiking in the middle of the night). Guess what he wanted ME to come get him. So instead of being a fool I sent his Godfather out there to get him. Because I knew he would steer him in the right direction. When he returned he was apologetic , regretful and gave many affirmations as to why I'm the only one for him. I asked him one question. Did you sleep with her? He completely denied it and said no . And I believed him. BecAuse that's what I wanted to believe. From there we took a marriage class at our church that I felt wAs life changing. Lots of tears prayers and people supporting our marriage. However I still had to deal with the other woman.on her social media site she posted many spiteful things addressed to me. "You may have him, but I will always have his heart". " little girl you have nothing on me." " I will be partying in your town this weekend". She even called him saying this separation put her in the hospital bc her heart hurts so much.COMPLETE TORMENT!!!!! I addressed all of these to my husband and he said he doesn't know why she's acting like that. So I continued to ask again. Did you sleep with her? Because deep down I knew they did. They had to for her to act like that. It wasn't until I told him I need a clean slate and that he needs to address this by telling her how he truly feels about her, that I found out the truth.not only did he sleep with her( twice) he didn't use protection and came inside of her. And this wasn't the first time. When I went to visit my family for Christmas. He drove to see her and they had sex then too. I was devastated. Couldn't breath! In shock! Hurt to the core. WHY! Is all I could think of. She was right she had my man. He Dosent love me . He can't possibly after this. I still stayed with him and we continued to work on the marriage. He even contacted her and told her their relationship was a mistake and she needed to stop with her foolishness.Everything started to get better. About 6 months later I decided to check his phone one night and I went through his credit card history( which is the same card he secretly got to go have sex with this woman) only to find a hotel transaction about 3 days before. I threw the phone at him and says explain!! He swore it was for someone else who borrowed his credit card. I told him to prove it! He couldn't so I prayed that God would reveal his true intentions. God did that exactly. I went through an old phone of his and found naked pictures of him he sent to his email. So of course I addressed it. He said we will talk. When we talked he admitted to finding another woman online who's name he couldn't even pronounce. In which he did not use protection and came inside her. WTH!!!!!!!!!!!! I said I'm done!!! Called him every hateful word I could think of. Blew him on FB so everyone can see the dog he was. Told his mom everything. I wanted to expose him. The calls and text came flooding in warning me to STOP. I got through that but the worst still wasn't over. For the 2nd time I had to go to the doc to make sure he didn't give me anything and guess what he did. He got chlamydia and passed it to me. I was so hurt and I this time I blamed myself. I told him he had to get out I was done. He took it and admitted he had an addiction to porn. That he wanted what he saw when he watched it. So of course I felt bad. I was so hurt my days were filled with anger and hurt. So again I still didn't trust him. So I continued to snoop. One week he lost his phone and I had access to his email. I found that he had porn membership for years and that he was sending clips to an old coworker. So of course again I addressed it. So he admitted to having oral sex with this woman while at work for the first 6 years of our marriage. While also sneaking away with another woman at her house on numerous occasions. I cringed at hearing this and realized that my husband has been cheating the ENTIRE marriage. So now I'm at the point of days of many mixed emotions . Hurt anger and regret. All I want is to start my life over. I wish I never met him. And all he wants is to start over and love me the way I need to be loved. Help I don't know what to do!!
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TimT
There are a lot of lies there, sluckie. In my opinion, you should not spend any time right now investing in your marriage. If he is serious about change, he needs to do some serious work on himself before you can ever risk trusting him again. If you decide to take that risk. If you are uncertain, don't try to make a final decision right now. Give yourself time to get healthy. Let him do whatever he is going to do (get help or go after another woman). Once you get to a healthier place and see the direction he is constantly moving, you can make your decision.
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Anna26
Sluckie;

I agree with TimT, there are lots of lies and blame and justification.  It's probably your fault that it's happened, (IT'S NOT, no matter what he says, the BS is never responsible for the WS stepping over the line). There will be plenty of reasons why, needs that weren't met, that he may try to blame you for, don't let him.  And it sounds like you both, like in many marriages, have had plenty of issues of your own that weren't dealt with at the time.

You are not responsible for his foolish behaviour, so don't let him make you into his doormat.  You may have got angry with him and called him all the names under the sun, and rightfully so, but actually, you have all the power here, you are on the higher moral ground. 
Don't get drawn into their games, it's hard to do this but in the end you will be all the stronger for it and maintain your dignity and self respect.  Tell him, what is and isn't acceptable to you, thereby setting your boundaries, and stick to it.  Then let him make his own mistakes and decisions while you show him you can carry on without him if necessary.
At the end  of the day you have no control over what he does, but you can control your own life and what you make of it. [smile]
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sluckie
TimT wrote:
There are a lot of lies there, sluckie. In my opinion, you should not spend any time right now investing in your marriage. If he is serious about change, he needs to do some serious work on himself before you can ever risk trusting him again. If you decide to take that risk. If you are uncertain, don't try to make a final decision right now. Give yourself time to get healthy. Let him do whatever he is going to do (get help or go after another woman). Once you get to a healthier place and see the direction he is constantly moving, you can make your decision.
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sluckie
I hear you Tim and that's the hardest part. I don't trust him what so ever. I can think of several times where he could possibly be doing something else. I feel so embarrassed and so alone and I honestly don't want to do this anymore. I feel so alone
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