In answer to your last question, I believe the answer is yes, or close enough to it.
As to the rest... man that is hard stuff to hear, but it is better than being lied to. Stay strong. All I can say is what my IC said right away about affair "love" - "oh, that can take years to pass." When it does pass, however, there is in no sense a void. If you think back on fantasies you have had - say, once you thought you'd get a particular job or whatever, and were devastated when you didn't get it - you let it go, you don't actually keep thinking damn that was the one that got away. Bear in mind that the fantasy aspect of this applies in your favour as well. Yes she is caught on a delusional version of love. This sucks. It also means however that you are not "the other man". There is not actually any man you are up against. There is a delusion, and a man, and you are the man. She is not working on letting go of loving a man, she is working on bringing herself back into the real world and letting go of a delusion. I understand the difficulty now is that you are basically going to live every minute of your life feeling like you are being compared to some fantasy figure and falling short. That's pretty hard going. You could bail. I think I might in that situation, but I can't say that definitely.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.
BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.