BeginAgain
I'm so upset I'm literally shaking. We were busy around the house when my husband got a text from a number he doesn't know. Just a dot. He replied with a question mark and got two more dots in response. He then asked who it was and the person then asked whether he was okay and said they wouldn't bother him. I told him it was her and he said it couldn't be. He then said he was okay and again asked who it was. She said it was someone he hates and wants nothing to do with. Ended with he must take care of himself. He then told her not to message him again and that he doesn't want any contact with her at all. I took his phone and called the number, but she wouldn't answer.

This pretty much confirms that she's still pining for him three months later. She actually went out and bought a new sim card to contact him.  I don't need this right now...
Quote 2 0
grappling
I would be upset, too. Sounds like your husband handled it correctly, firmly, and---most importantly--- out in the open. As long as he reassures you that he will continue this very good behavior, you two can continue to heal. The other woman is in a pathetic spot; she'll just have to deal with it among her own people. Leave her be.
Quote 7 0
BeginAgain
Thank you. We've spoken about it somewhat. He is very upset and irate that she would contact him. He has spent a lot of time holding me and reassuring me that our marriage is what he wants and he will continue to prove it to me.

He doesn't understand why she would contact him after all this time. I told him it's most likely because she's testing the waters to see whether she can get a foot in the door with him again.
Quote 7 0
HonestWife
I’m very sorry. One of my h ap waited a whole year and then emailed him. 
Trying to make marriage work after my husband's 15 years of affairs. Just found out. Currently in house separation.
Quote 3 0
hurting
The AP tried contacting him too- we got rid of his SIM card and number. She too emailed... we got rid of the email.

Its infuriating, but this was a good test for your husband. He managed it exactly as he should, which I think is a good sign for you. Try to ignore her- she has no right to exist in your world. Focus instead, on what your husband did RIGHT here- he told her to go away, never contact him again and you were in the loop the entire time. That’s the best possible outcome of HER breaking NC. She can pine away alone and miserable. The least she deserves is a bit of misery. This is an annoying reminder of what has happened... but it shows you the progress your husband has made since d-day. Don’t focus on her and what she wants- she is irrelevant!
Quote 5 0
BeginAgain
Obviously I've been thinking about this a lot since it happened, analyzing everything that was said and done. I'm so glad she didn't answer the phone when I phoned her. I wanted to tell her to stay TF away from my family, but coming from me she could easily convince herself that my husband doesn't feel the same and that he secretly wants to be in touch with her.

She's actually quite an audacious b!tch, come to think of it. I think her 'it's someone you hate and don't want anything to do with' was a manipulative tactic to test the waters and get him to say oh no, I don't hate you. He does hate her, very much. She seems to have forgotten that she spent a month relentlessly harassing, threatening and attempting to extort him after he ended the affair and before he came clean on D-day. Her actions drove him to a suicide attempt the night before D-day. He wouldn't p!ss on her if she was on fire, as a matter of fact, he would probably add some kindling.

Of course I felt threatened when he showed me the message. Who wouldn't? My mind immediately went to all the what ifs. What is he's secretly still hung up on her? What if this opens the door to renewed contact? But one of the replies above that referred to her as pathetic, put it in a different perspective to me.

She is f@#£¥%& pathetic. She's not a child or a young girl, she is a grown woman in her late 30s/early 40s. She's a wife and a mother and she dealt with whatever is wrong in her life by literally throwing herself at a married man. He didn't even have to do anything, he just had to take what she offered on a silver platter. No one with an ounce of dignity or self respect would ever sink that low. She offered herself freely, as if sex is her only currency and even that aspect is so f#€£^@¥ abysmal, that my husband withdrew in disgust the moment the deed was done.

Instead of accepting that the married man she had been pursuing didn't want her anymore, as he loudly and persistently told her, she pulled one manipulative tactic after the other to draw him back in. First a fake pregnancy, then a fake miscarriage, then fake medical bills that she attempted to extort him over. Demanding money as recompense for their sex act like a common wh*re.

The affair didn't even last a full month, it was three weeks and a little bit from beginning to end. That was the only time she could ever say she had any power over me; when he gave her that power. She must've patted herself on the back for being able to so easily seduce another woman's husband. But he took that power back when he ended it and committed himself to our marriage. When he saw and acknowledged how wrong he had been.

So where are we at now? What does her life look like compared to ours? Here she is, four months out from an affair that didn't even last a full month, still running after a married man that never wanted her for more than the sex she offered so cheaply. She's devoting the time and energy that should rightfully belong to her husband and small children to something morally corrupt that will never serve her intended purpose. She apparently doesn't have the inclination for introspection to fix her damn life, instead of dragging others down to hell with her in a bid to get them to fix whatever is broken in her.

This morning, while she went out and bought a sim card to contact a married man that has repeatedly stated he wants her to leave him alone, that he wants nothing to do with her; that man was in his marital bed making love to his wife. Though the pain and anger her intrusion into our lives has caused is ever present, we grow stronger every day and strive for a marriage we could never have imagined in our wildest dreams. In this journey we are learning about ourselves with every step we take. We are learning what our strengths and weaknesses are and how to address them, both as a couple and as individuals. We are preparing for a future that is completely different from what has come before. It will take some time, but we will get through this stronger than ever before.

Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe her.
Quote 4 0
UrbanExplorer
I just got a Twitter message out of the blue from my former AP today, 4 years after our affair and 3 years after going NC. It's a selfish act, even if it is supposedly a message to apologize or "see if you are OK." It's attention-seeking. It's an attempt to gain real estate in the WS' head. And now it's going to ruin my day because I have to show it to my H, and then it will ruin his.
Quote 2 0
Experiencethedevine29
I just got a Twitter message out of the blue from my former AP today, 4 years after our affair and 3 years after going NC. It's a selfish act, even if it is supposedly a message to apologize or "see if you are OK." It's attention-seeking. It's an attempt to gain real estate in the WS' head. And now it's going to ruin my day because I have to show it to my H, and then it will ruin his.



Infidelity-‘the gift that keeps on giving’.....🙄🤬.... I hope you both have a better tomorrow...

ETD🌻
Quote 2 0
Experiencethedevine29




BeginAgain wrote:
I'm so upset I'm literally shaking. We were busy around the house when my husband got a text from a number he doesn't know. Just a dot. He replied with a question mark and got two more dots in response. He then asked who it was and the person then asked whether he was okay and said they wouldn't bother him. I told him it was her and he said it couldn't be. He then said he was okay and again asked who it was. She said it was someone he hates and wants nothing to do with. Ended with he must take care of himself. He then told her not to message him again and that he doesn't want any contact with her at all. I took his phone and called the number, but she wouldn't answer.

This pretty much confirms that she's still pining for him three months later. She actually went out and bought a new sim card to contact him.  I don't need this right now...


I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this BeginAgain...if I was in your neck of the woods I’d happily go and give the silly mare a slap for you, (skipping gaily along laughing my head off too...😃) and tell her  to eff off...seriously, these dozey bints need more than a hefty cup of ‘shut the f*** up’...🤬


ETD🌻
Quote 3 0
BeginAgain
I just got a Twitter message out of the blue from my former AP today, 4 years after our affair and 3 years after going NC. It's a selfish act, even if it is supposedly a message to apologize or "see if you are OK." It's attention-seeking. It's an attempt to gain real estate in the WS' head. And now it's going to ruin my day because I have to show it to my H, and then it will ruin his.


It is utterly selfish. They are so convinced of their own importance that they keep interfering to keep themselves relevant. My husband doesn't want an apology from her. She had plenty of time to reflect on her actions and every time she made the wrong, selfish choice going forward. How he is and where he is at in his life is none of her business, it never was. She just succeeded in picking the scab off a wound that was only just starting to heal.
Quote 3 0
Hurting2014
Oh how I wish I could say that my WH had that kind of strength of character and resolve when he was contacted by the AP. 
But no. Ensared like a prey. Took a lot of things and time before he can say NO MORE when the AP came knocking. This I came to know as fact after D-day No.2. I am shaking inside just thinking back on it.  
Female, BS, D-day Mid 2014. Still sad. Trying to cope while no one else knows I am broken.
Quote 3 0
Kaff
 We've spoken about it somewhat. He is very upset and irate that she would contact him. He has spent a lot of time holding me and reassuring me that our marriage is what he wants and he will continue to prove it to me.

He doesn't understand why she would contact him after all this time. I told him it's most likely because she's testing the waters to see whether she can get a foot in the door with him again.

my husband did things like thid
they set it up
it looked like he wanted no contact
was shocked etc
the different number to throw off track

best to get him new phone number
then she cannot make contact
thrn if a surprise number shows
a message from her
you can ask how she knew the number
they can have multiple emails too
all to decrive
its part of the thrill
see she knows he is married and will take secs n contact ehenever
but he knows u find any of it unacceptsble
so schemes are used like this to stop the focus on what they are up to
just letting you know
Quote 2 0
Kaff


It is utterly selfish. They are so convinced of their own importance that they keep interfering to keep themselves relevant. My husband doesn't want an apology from her. She had plenty of time to reflect on her actions and every time she made the wrong, selfish choice going forward. How he is and where he is at in his life is none of her business, it never was. She just succeeded in picking the scab off a wound that was only just starting to heal.

i already responded to your pist
just wanted to add that YOUR HUSBAND DID NOT HAVE HIS ARM TWISTED
sex on offer on a silver platter was accepted
want you to know that as I raged about the other woman my husband felt  that he didn’t need to look at his betrayal.
he played concerned but then did things to have his both
enjoying the attention
PSit was agreed with the fake phone sim to look like he was outraged
it was agreed he would only call the other phone
never stored as a contact
often called at work( they worked together, a fake transfer was created)
so just wRning from my experience
focus on his error
he said yes
for him to allow her to take all your anger is cowardly
and in my situation
my belief in him trying to move forward having disgust for her
was further a thrill to their secretly continued affair and pretence at its end all to mock me, make me look stupid
nake them feel above it all
ot was a long trail of lies deceit and pretence
6 years and as time and events revealed such s string of play at his disgust in himself and towards her he still had trouble owning all his deceit and tries to justify it
SHE was part of it
BUT HE decided he liked the sick games to add thrill to the deceit 
Quote 1 0
BeginAgain
With all due respect, I have enough sh!t screwing me up every minute of every day without you projecting your situation onto ours. Though all of us here have something in common that helps us relate to one another, the individuals and situations involved are also all different. I'm sorry your husband couldn't pull his head out and use his mistakes as an opportunity to become a better person. I don't need you to plant additional seeds of doubt beyond those I already struggle with every day though.

I am not you and my husband is not your husband. I am not being blind or naive to my husband's complicity in the affair. He doesn't choose where I direct my anger and I absolutely reserve the right to hate that wh*re for the rest of my days. I don't post every single emotion or every single encounter we have on this site. I have plenty of anger towards my husband as well. With yesterday being three months out from D-day he has felt it thoroughly over the past two days.

I appreciate your effort in trying to forewarn me, but I will not allow you to make unfair accusations about my husband's intentions. He has spent every single moment of the past three weeks with me, with not so much as a minute out of my sight. He is remorseful and doing his level best to make amends for the destruction he has caused. And while that doesn't make up for what he did in the least, it goes a long way towards helping us heal as we look toward the future.
Quote 1 0
Kaff
[

but I will not allow you to make unfair accusations about my husband's intentions. 

Sorry, I was relaying my husbands methods of deceit, not saying your husband was doing the same
i can see you are hyper vigilant watching him as you say every minute, which I snd many can relate to after trust is shattered. This forum is for sharing, expressing pain and sadness, relaying each other’s story and sharing methods of coping with betrayal . Yes you can feel his AP  is a who’re because seeing it all is so painful. It’s been 3 months and I hope you  can work through the roller coaster of emotions. Agsin was relaying that sometimes games are played , deceit can feed the thrill of the affair. Take care
Quote 0 0