BlindCheetah

Tomorrow H is going to a coworker’s house to fix her internet.  The bad part, she rents from AP1 lives in a separate house on the same lot but sharing internet connection. The affair ended 9 years ago, but they stayed in contact. I don’t think they have had contact since December which apparently involved a melted router. He should be able to fix it without any contact with AP.  The last time he was at this coworker’s house was to replace a faucet pre lockdown.I knew where he was and why but he neglected to tell me who she lived next to. I figured that out on my own, our MC was not really pleased with him for that one. 

I was going to suggest going with him but, I don’t need to be in the car that long sitting hurts right now. He has offered to stay in annoyingly close contact, like in speaker phone the whole time he is there. I can also watch his location to confirm when he is there. 

I do believe the affair is long over even if it didn’t truly end exactly when he said but did. He is supposed to try a video call first to see if he can fix it remotely but it may require some equipment replacement. 

 

Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz
I recently had a trust test. All three of my daughters were going down to a family vacation cabin for the night, and wanted me and my wife to go with them. She had lots of work to do, so I declined. She told me I should go have fun with the kids. I was immediately triggered. It felt like she was trying to get my out of the house and out of town fo the night. It was a bit strange at first to be so heavily triggered, since I travel regularly for work out of state and out of the country. Then I realized. This would be the first night since before d-day almost 5 years ago that she will be home alone. All the other times I’ve been gone, our youngest was home with her. Realizing now, that must have given me some sense of safety. I informed my wife that I was triggered and why. She immediately said this isn’t the first time since d-day. Then I asked her to tell me of another one then, and then she realized it was as well. She handled it well, very remorseful, apologetic, reassured me, offered to FaceTime me anytime, or as many times I wanted, etc.  So I went, I was triggered all afternoon and night. Barely slept, and was on edge the next day as well.  It really ruined what could have been a great time with my girls. It makes me sad, and it makes me angry. I never called her once, I never checked her location on GPS, I didn’t feel the need.  I don’t think she is going to do anything, I just HATE that this $hit sandwich I have been force fed still has the power to break me down and ruin everything. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 2 0
BlindCheetah

Ug, so he called when he left work, I was on the phone with him the whole time he was there but for the first half the audio quality was only slightly better than the horrible 15 minutes that I listened to him and AP2 walking and talking. That was a trigger I didn’t appreciate. This difference this time is everything I heard was consistent with what he was supposed to be doing. I did hear AP1s name mentioned once. I hate feeling the need to monitor a 45 year old this closely, it’s just stupid. 

Soon he’s going to have to travel for work to where he and AP 2 met last, where he accidentally called me. The plan is for me to go with him on that trip. It needs to happen before the trip in November when the whole family will be there, I need to get through the triggers without the kids there. Or maybe we’ll get lucky and a new corona spike will get that trip canceled.  

Quote 0 0
ThrivenotSurvive

Triggers are hard.  And while I commend you on wanting to face them without your kids the first time, just be aware that I did not always find that each time I faced a trigger it was less effective than the last time.

That was MOSTLY true, but every once in a while something that hadn’t bothered me in a while would hit me in just the right (or really wrong) way and throw me for a loop when I wasn't expecting it. 


I learned to not expect triggers - but also to be aware they could happen at the most unexpected and unwelcome times.  Just that knowledge alone helped me stay a bit more balanced.  

Focusing on the latest science on how to recondition nervous system responses and neural pathways really, really helped me make progress faster.  I applied the science and it helped.  I don’t think you have to use it, plenty of people have moved past triggers without it.  But for me it worked wonders.    

BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
Quote 1 0
BlindCheetah

The trip with the kids we’ll just be there to sleep before getting on a cruise ship for a week that may come with it’s own special set of triggers tied to DDay.   

On the work trip I want to focus on making new positive associations without going anywhere they went together. I’ll try not to pre plan any triggers.

Just encountered a brand new completely unexpected unrelated trigger. Laying in a hammock shouldn’t trigger sharp abdominal pain. 🤬 Really the hammock?!  

Quote 1 0
AnywhereButHere
I wonder if the 'what ifs' will ever stop. My wife sells real estate requiring her to take off every now and then to meet someone, somewhere and look at a house with them. Then there are all the guys in her real estate office she collaborates with.

Every time she's gone, every time her phone rings...'what if?'

We both had an interesting trigger the other day when an actor came into the movie we were watching. She kept saying she didn't like him and, eventually, I asked her point blank, "Is it because he looks so much like your AP?", which even I thought he did. "Yeah, I think that's it...and it turns my stomach.", she replied. Maybe it was only said for my benefit...but it was nice to hear.
BH, 5+ Mo EA, DDay 3/8/18
"...regarding all as God after God."
Quote 2 0
BlindCheetah
Compliments that conflict with the things he said around DDay are hard. A few nights ago he said he never wanted to be with anyone else. WTF?  So, why? I’m not sure where his brain was during 2019 but it sure wasn’t in his head. 
Quote 1 0
SoUnUsual
Compliments that conflict with the things he said around DDay are hard. A few nights ago he said he never wanted to be with anyone else. WTF?  So, why? I’m not sure where his brain was during 2019 but it sure wasn’t in his head. 


yes! This! When my husband tells me he’s only ever wanted me and has always wanted to be with me it feels like he’s completely forgotten the 6 month period he was devoting himself to another woman. I have to remind him that while he may believe that now, it’s not true. For a time he was going to divorce me. He needs to find another way of professing his feelings for me. 
Female BS - Together 21 years - 2 kids -  DDay February 16, 2020
Quote 2 0
BlindCheetah

Found 2 blocked texts from AP2 this morning 

👌and🖕

I hope that means she’s frustrated with his silence. 

Quote 1 0
BlindCheetah
So, he went back to replace equipment that was fried by lightning today. He invited me to go with him, I declined. AP and family  where home this time she brought him a ladder. I’m not sure I would have been OK if I’d been there. 
Quote 0 0
ThrivenotSurvive

This isn’t the same one who the blocked texts are from right??

 

BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
Quote 0 0
BlindCheetah

No one that ended 9 years ago. With the rental property with internet problems.


The persistent texter is single.  I’m really ready for her to fall of a cliff or develop severe respiratory problems during a ventilator shortage.

Quote 3 0
ThrivenotSurvive
I can only imagine.  
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
Quote 0 0