blythespirit
So, it's been 2 years and 13 days since dday.  We've been through so much, and I'd continued to hold out hope for reconciliation with my WS.  Extended him every grace imaginable.  And now we're done.  I've moved the proverbial line in the sand for him for the last time.  I'm moving out of the family home and will be staying with a good friend temporarily, while I work out more permanent details.  He is angry, telling me that I'm making a bad choice, and threatening the stability and we'll-being of our children.  Still completely unmoved by any attempt I make to explain the depths of my pain and despair.  By my pleas for resolution.  He has never come clean about anything, or shown any real remorse.  I've given him space over the last 2 years, hoping he would come to his senses and be a "stand up guy."  But really, all I did was enable his selfish behavior.  What a rookie mistake.

Really wish now that I would've forced the issue 2 years ago.  What a waste all around.  Sigh.
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anthropoidape
I am so sorry to hear this. I know you really tried. 

The wasted time is the real shame. 

Good luck. 
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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Heidi
I'm so sorry to hear that Blythe. I hope you are doing okay. You've done everything you can, but reconciliation takes two people. Thinking of you and your children at this difficult time. 
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Anna26
blythespirit wrote:
So, it's been 2 years and 13 days since dday.  We've been through so much, and I'd continued to hold out hope for reconciliation with my WS.  Extended him every grace imaginable.  And now we're done.  I've moved the proverbial line in the sand for him for the last time.  I'm moving out of the family home and will be staying with a good friend temporarily, while I work out more permanent details.  He is angry, telling me that I'm making a bad choice, and threatening the stability and we'll-being of our children.  Still completely unmoved by any attempt I make to explain the depths of my pain and despair.  By my pleas for resolution.  He has never come clean about anything, or shown any real remorse.  I've given him space over the last 2 years, hoping he would come to his senses and be a "stand up guy."  But really, all I did was enable his selfish behavior.  What a rookie mistake.

Really wish now that I would've forced the issue 2 years ago.  What a waste all around.  Sigh.



Sorry to hear this Blythe, but you didn't really enable anything.  He always had the choice, and he CHOSE to act in that selfish way.  You gave him the space and the time and the difference is you used that time and space wisely, helping yourself to become stronger until you were strong enough to make the right decision for yourself.  What about his behaviour threatening the well being of your children?  Children are suprisingly resilient and I for one think they would rather be with a single happier parent than two in a dysfunctional relationship.  Maybe, just maybe this is his wake up call, because perhaps he never really believed you would call it a day.  While once you were fairly (ha!) happy with leaving him that space, now you are not, don't allow him to make you feel bad for putting yourself first for once. My H is just the same, won't open up and talk, can't show any emotion, and has never really helped me get over things, I've done that on my own.  One day this may be my decision too, but not yet.  Only you know when you have come to the end of your rope with it all.   As the saying goes, 'There are none so blind as those that will not see'...  If this is really what you want, then it's his loss and you go out and get what you need from life.  Good luck!
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blythespirit
Anna26 wrote:


As the saying goes, 'There are none so blind as those that will not see'...  


Yes.  If I have learned anything at all over the last 2 years, it is this.  

And I think this will be my last post.  Anna and Heidi, you may be some of the last on here who were here when I started.  Didn't think in a million years, I would still be in much the same place I was then.  I so appreciate all of your wisdom and insight, and your well wishes going forward.  And I hope you both end up where you want to be ultimately.  And you too, anthropoidape.  Best of luck and goodbye.
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Anna26
Thank you Blythe, I appreciate that as I too, never thought this journey would be so long. But remember, whether you are part of this community or not, this community will always be a part of who you are now, and will be behind you all the way!
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DorothyJane7
I'm sorry to hear this, Blythespirit. I can only imagine the journey you've had to this point and decision. Thank you for sharing with the community for so long and so honestly. I wish you nothing but the best and, above all, peace. Peace to you.
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Fionarob
Blythespirit

You may not return to read this, but if you do..........

1. You did not waste 2 years, if it had worked then it wouldn't have been wasted time.  You tried your best in that time, walk away knowing you gave 100% and were willing to forgive the most unforgiveable thing. 

2. How dare he say you are now making a bad decision and one that will threaten the well-being of your children?  HE is the one who has done that, not you.  Never feel that is on your shoulders, never.

3. The choices you made to stay and give him the chance to recognise what he needed to do were not a mistake.  It shows great strength of character and someone who is willing to be completely selfless for the good of others.  Never feel you made a mistake, you didn't. 

4. Go forward now and have a happy life, you deserve it.  Be proud of yourself for trying your best, but also for having enough self-respect to know when enough is enough. 

Best wishes (from someone who has not just survived betrayal and divorce, but is now happy and at peace)
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Keepabuzz
Well put!
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Guiltguilt
Blythe, I wish you all the best, and thank you for the compassion you showed me, especially in the early days. It’s certainly not a waste of time. One of the things about this forum is that people here (mostly) haven’t immediately run. They’ve paused and looked. Tried against all odds. There has to be something in that, surely? I really hope everything works out well for you. Thanks again. 
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Negarcia
Blythespirit

I second Fionarob, you didn't waste your time, you grew as a person and tired your best to save your marriage but it was his choice and now you have decided that you have had enough. I also want to thank you for all of your support, it is amazing to me that while we are all going through these tough times in life, everyone here has the strength to support others. Thank you 
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