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Integrity1
Thank you for the links flipperfive and urban, I have enjoyed reading the affirmations and the one you posted, Urban, took me to another link on how to stop over-thinking.  I have just put a rubberband on my wrist for the day- lol.
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Anna26
I can't say that I am particularly religious to the point of going to Church each Sunday, although I have gone on occasions.  But it was very important to me to be married in a church and to have both my children christened.  I just don't feel the need to be a 'practising Christian'. 

Also to me, it is not about where you worship, God is not tied to a single place but is everywhere you are.  Whether you are out in the countryside, on the seashore, or just experiencing the early morning birdsong before another busy day,  all can be poignant moments to appreciate what you DO have in your life and be thankful for them. 

I believe that there has to be something or maybe someone there, something to hope for.  At times, that is the only thing that keeps us going through a life that can be fraught with so much pain and insecurity.  It doesn't bear thinking about, the thought that we can go through all this sadness and difficulty with nothing to show for it at the end.   Even my kind of belief, brings a great sense of support when it is needed.
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KimD
I grew up in a Christian household - my parents are very spiritual, my siblings to various degrees. I have grown away from it a bit but still did try to get to church with the kids, pray more, etc hoping for connection that seems to be there for my other family members. In the wake of the affair (I am the WS) it has been difficult to deal with the biblical definitions of marriage. I struggle quite a bit with the different interpretations of it. I agree with Urban that the marriage is what the 2 people involved decide it will be for them and how it will work best for them. There is much out there these days on different sort of contracts of marriage that don't put so many expectations on the spouses to be all things to the other person. I am doing better in dealing with the guilt and shame of my affair - although not sure I have 100% forgiven myself, I am working on it. But my bigger struggle now is trying to conjure or create feelings for my husband. The lack of these is what set the stage for my affair, and this problem persists. If you look to scripture on this issue it basically says you need to learn to love, or act in a loving way, or create habits of love and then your feelings will follow - but just don't get divorced. It's not that comforting to think of it that way - so in a sense, for me - spirituality is not helping the process for me at this time. Maybe this changes...
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JohnH
Hi, for me the affair of my WS is bringing me back into a relationship with God I have forgotten. In trying to decide to stay or go I learned that Jesus explained that the "Law" allowed for divorce because of "the hardness of your hearts". Regardless of beliefs I decided to adopt the view that no matter of how this ends I will not let it harden my heart and that has provided me with great personal strength to get through really low times, and hang in there. Its really tough to live it some days but I find it starts to lift me when I focus on it, and keeps me from shutting off options without really thinking about them or becoming bitter. I also hope it will lead me to forgiveness. I think the concept has relevance regardless of faith. 
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Dirazz
JohnH, the only way I got through this was to turn over all my pain to God. I have and continue to have faith that he turns ashes to beauty. God has shown me l how to extend Grace to my WH.
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UrbanExplorer
TimT wrote:
In addition to Brene Brown's book, Rising Strong, which UrbanExplorer recommended, my wife has also often recommended Self Compassion by Kristin Neff.


I am about halfway through Kristin Neff's book. It is really practical in detailing how to be kind to ourselves even if difficult situations and basically be "enough" for ourselves. I like how well it fits with mindfulness meditation and bodhicitta.

It did not escape my notice that the author had an affair during her first marriage and was never forgiven for it but grew as a person from there.
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flipperfive
Regardless of beliefs I decided to adopt the view that no matter of how this ends I will not let it harden my heart and that has provided me with great personal strength to get through really low times, and hang in there. Its really tough to live it some days but I find it starts to lift me when I focus on it, and keeps me from shutting off options without really thinking about them or becoming bitter.



John H I can not agree with this more. To come out of this experience in life with a hardened heart would be, for me, something that would change me for the worse. I will not let this situation define me.
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