So, thank you for anyone reading this , I appreciate your time...
I have made this account to hopefully help my partner and I navigate the pains and process of recovering from this. I will be giving her the log in info and she may at some point post and use this as well. 
We are a recently married couple, just bought our first house, and have struggled with the effects of my sex compulsion and infidelity since nearly the beginning of our relationship . I do believe there is lots of love in our relationship and we've shared many great moments, but I have deceived her consistently, and pursued sexual attention outside of our relationship , and I know it has shattered her trust and hope in our relationship . We have sought help/counselling over the years, both together and separately , I believe we/I have often celebrated too soon the success of counselling and not continued my efforts towards honesty/sexual sobriety/trust . The extent of my infidelity is the use of online dating sites, chatting apps, texting, and compulsive porn use .I have exchanged illicit photos and much sexual flirtation with these people. I have come to know that I do fall into the category of sex addict/compulsive but don't like the limitation of term as I feel it restricts the ability of the participant to actually change. I want to change, and am actively pursuing it .This is not the person I want to be, and not how I want to treat the person I love. 

My main goal of posting here is to hopefully find a support network for my wife ,as it becomes difficult for her to only have me to talk to about this issue and the pain it has caused her. I'm hoping you can embrace her and her/our struggle and allow her to vent and ask questions that I as the unfaithful may not be able to answer. 
Thank you so much
Quote 0 0
You say you fall into the category of "sex addict/compulsive" but you are trying to change.  I am sorry that you feel these compulsions, I am sure your life is not enhanced by them. 

Let's look at some analogies: You are a heroin addict or an alcoholic and your habit is risking your wife's financial and mental security.  Should she stay?  for how long? How many courses of failed rehab should she endure?

I think the focus should be on the health and safety of your wife.  You need to do whatever you need to do to deal with your demons.  But don't drag your wife down with you.  Your wife has some soul searching to do: At what point is she the "anchor" for this unhealthy relationship and a what point is she "drowning" to keep you from floating off into your sea of addiction?

You know the pain your behavior is causing your wife.  You claim to love your wife.  A person who truly loves their spouse does NOT register on online dating sites.  Imagine yourself punching her every time you do one of these behaviors.  It is abhorrent isn't it?  You would Never strike your wife - you love her!  Well your are giving her an emotional blow that hurts as much as a physical blow when you do these things.  Next time you are thinking about doing one of these things, try writing your wife a letter about how and why you love her.  Or write to yourself about what your life will be like when she leave you - because eventually your actions will break all the love she has for you.

Best of luck in this difficult situation
Quote 2 0
I am like your wife. My husband behaved in a similar manner to you. He also physically cheated for 2 years soon after we got married. 

The timing is a HUGE stumbling block for me... and presumably for your wife too. 

If she’s anything like me, she doesn’t trust you. You’ve abused and broken her trust more times than either of you can count. That’s the other part of this... not only is there an infinite amount of pain to contend with, you’ve been offered chance after chance that isn’t deserved... and you’ve wasted them all (my husband’s case anyway) by Continuing to look for porn, and lying about its use.

Your wife probably has some self esteem issues together with all of that now too. Finding out your husband compulsively uses pornography tends to do that to you. 

I would encourage your wife to reach out for help... the journey is made easier when shared with those who are going through it. For you? I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it, but NoFap is a community where many who are struggling with such an ‘addiction’ post. Yourbrainonporn has some good information.

My best advice to you, is to be HONEST above everything else. Lying (yes, evading questions, omitting details etc all count), is the worst part of all of this. Be accountable for your actions and your choices. Do whatever it takes to BE accountable. Get covenant eyes (we don’t use this, but I’m considering it). Use blockers that only your wife has the passwords to. Don’t underestimate the damage that you can do...
Quote 0 0
You seem to really be minimizing your activities instead of examining if whether or not your behavior is escalating. Using dating apps means at least mentally preparing for real life hook-ups. You note that you behavior is continuing. I cannot begin to express how abusive this is to your partner. The lies, the betrayal, never knowing when you are actually telling the truth or just lying to get out of trouble is probably mentally and physically exhausting for her. She doesn't need someone to talk to in online forums, she needs to be in a safe environment. You are unable to provide that at the moment.

What you are doing her mentally and emotionally is not a game. If you are not able to give up those activities, you are not committed to the relationship and as such, it may be time to at least temporarily move out. When you are still in the house and appear to others to be 'working on' the relationship, friends and family that could help her are less likely to reach out. Being honest about just how alone she really is will open the door for her to get real life support and safety.
Quote 1 0
Thank you to those that have already posted to this . I am thankful to hear your perspective and put severity to the things I've done. I don't mean to seem to be minimizing my actions ,and I take the things I've done and the effects they've had very seriously. I've pursued professional help for both her and I and myself individually, am also using a very helpful app that focusses on porn addiction, reading about the issue, listening to podcasts,and watching lots of videos about working through this. We've done a lot of deep communicating about the issue and about what in me and my life history might have led to this cycle of behaviour and I believe it's been helpful for her to see that this isn't her fault or about any flaw in her. Again I don't mean to seem defensive but why I posted here was to reach out for her. Like mentioned in the comments this situation can be a pressure cooker at times and I was hoping to maybe find a community of sorts where she could share her feelings and ideas and hopefully feel less isolated. 
Quote 0 0
I was/am in your shoes. 

People seem to think that it's a switch you can turn off, addiction. The truth is that it's insidieuse, left unchecked will not only destroy your marriage, but your ability to be intimate. 

Couple that with the prevalence of porn in today's society (gone are days when you had to actually buy a crappy magazine and use your imagination, now you can open a browser on your phone and get whatever floats your boat.) 

The truth is, you are hurting your wife, and not for what you expect. You have no clear concept of boundaries, and you haven't examined why you do what you do. It's "happening" to you, instead of you taking responsibility for your actions. 

I went through an intense period of reflection, soul searching, read a lot, and thought a LOT about what I did, and why. 

It's not enough to promise. It's not enough to want to do something, or to not want to do it. You actually have to work on yourself, and get real freaking honest with yourself as to what motivated you to cheat. 

You ask have no business being in a relationship until you get a hold on this. It's not fair. You clearly have an issue with boundaries, and until you get that straight, you're likely to repeat what you did. 

The problem is, it's hard work. I had to learn to communicate with my wife, and to be honest, I'm the luckiest SOB that my wife stayed. I know myself, and have clear boundaries set, and together my wife and I engaged in a journey to rebuild from the wreckage. 

All to say, it's possible, but it will suck, it comes with a lot of hurt, but finding yourself to the point where you can GUARANTEE that cheating will never happen? 

You can get there, but there is no shortcut. Do the work. 
Quote 3 0