Surviving and Urban,
Just alittle back ground. I've already done the 180 process. I'm in a good place. I'm not angry at all. I'm in the process of working on me. Right now I am working on answering " How do I want my story to be told when this is all over". I know I am an amazing husband, I sucked at being a boyfriend. I'm sure working too much put me in this position. I am an amazing father and dad. I want to continue developing my relationships with my 3 children. I know that this will eventually pass, I will be ready to recreate a marriage/friendship with my wife. I can't control her decisions but I can control me.
So, I am hurt by the Valentine's day card being thrown out. I didn't say anything mushy. Just that she has been my Valentine for 20 years and I would be wrong not to say Happy Valentine's Day. Anniversary I feel is different, our marriage is dead. That was her choice.
Explain why I should win her back? I have admitted what I did wrong and invited her to join me in building a new marriage. She chooses to remain with her AP.
Do what I normally do??? it would be jewelry, dinner and alot more. You can forget that.
If she isn't in the house with you, and is living with her AP, I probably would not even acknowledge your anniversary at this time. I might get a card and write a letter to give to her later.
Sounds like she is angry at you and still blaming you for the things you did that she thinks make it OK for her having the affair. My husband did this especially in the beginning. But it has become less and less as the fog of the affair has worn off.
It's amazing to me what people will do and think to justify their actions.