The following link takes you to an article describing recent studies focused on trust. Some of the main points: trust is something we start out doing naturally (we learn to mistrust) and is necessary for healthy social interactions, regaining broken trust requires collaboration (you can't do it on your own), and our instinct to trust can override logic (we place trust in untrustworthy people).

Quote 1 0
Interesting. I can relate that I physically felt changes in me and my cortisol rising whenever even far distanced triggers of the betrayal happened. I also think our past and childhood wounds leads us to overide our trust instincts. We recreate patterns we witnessed because it's our normal for example.

One way I took some responsibility (not for the affair but for my life) was in realizing that there we're signs and examples that my husband had bendable morals at times. Nothing I can say as oh I never trusted him, pre affair they weren't directed at me & I think it's almost more damaging because it's tinier things. It's easier to fall into excusing peoples bad choices when they don't go against you. We don't expect people to be perfect and I think this makes it much harder for the BS. where's the line? Where's normal growth and life and mistakes and where's dangerous? We have to learn going forward either with the spouse or eventually with others. And it comes back to trusting ourselves about others.

Like I've decided going forward I need to hold back and make sure someone's actions match their words before I trust them. As in my marriage he made excuses or I made excuses for him for why he would say he wanted to work on things and then didn't follow through. So this is big for me now. A guideline to trusting myself in my perception of people.

I currently am still very mistrusting of most people. Some days I hope I can change that. Other days I get angry think it's for the best. Hope eventually I can rebuild trusting others and feel safe doing so.
Quote 1 0
Trust issues…I just had that conversation with my IC this week. I told her that I feel some resentment, and even anger towards my WS, for creating trust issues, that I didnt have prior. I identify that I will now be more cautious and less inclined to invest in a relationship easily or at all. My hope, however, is that as I move away from the chaos of my WS and his treachery, I will continue to embrace getting back to myself, and I will eventually see some return to a more trusting nature that I did have. 

Looking forward, I dont want to walk around doubting everyone. It just seems counter intuitive. Conversely, my career requires skepticism and I do have healthy levels of that professionally. So, I guess as I reflect personally, perhaps my guard was down. I didnt have the expectation that my WS would ever consider such malignant actions. I know my trust capabiliites are forever changed, hopefully to an end of that is healthier though. However, I know I will not trust my WS, until he can come clean about our marriage…which I no longer believe he is capable of doing. I want to be happy and that requires me to be me, and to trust myself.
Quote 0 0