So, this is it for me. Just had a discussion with H, where he tells me that he's going to move out tomorrow and go and live with OW. We will tell the children this afternoon. He says that 3 separate psychologists have told him that he needs to go after what fulfills him and not to think in "structures". He says that our problem is that we have the same male energy, and that I don't make him feel like a man. He says also that our problem is that we're very similar (!). He also says that over the past months he's tried to find passion for me but could not, and that he did try to get over OW but did not manage. I wonder how this was possible, since OW was still staying in his rented room for the last months and he was seeing her every couple of weeks at least.
I am dumbfounded how he can think that a very strong partnership in literally everything is actually not a good idea. He does not want to go to marital counselling, to work on finding the spark again, although there is soooo much evidence showing that you can rekindle the passion again.
The best thing is that he does not want me to tell family and friends that we're separating because he's leaving me for another woman. He says the truth is that he lost the spark many years ago (after the children were born, so around 12 years ago) and that he was never able to talk to me about it. I told him that in 24 years I had never stopped being in love with him, and (again) he said that it didn't look like that to him. Assuming he forgot the years post-children, surely the last 1.5 years that I have been standing strong and waiting for him should have shown him that. Or am I delusional?
And the really best thing is that he thinks we can continue to be each other's best friend (in the true sense) and that we should continue to do social things together - like go to friends' houses for BBQs or parties - together. And that he will always be there when I need him. What is he thinking??
He says he's happy to finally see things with clarity but he is not relieved. He is not even sure if the relationship with OW will continue in the long-term.
Again this feeling that he is rewriting history and seeing the present through rose-tinted glasses, but at this point I accept it. I will be moving on, communicating to family and friends which for me is the hardest bit, and talking to lawyers. And keeping the demons away from my head. Will I ever get her face out of my head...