First of all, I would like to tell you how sorry I am for the wounding of your heart that your wife bestowed on you and your family so thoughtlessly and carelessly. This type of betrayal will reverberate through generations. I wish people would know this before doing such a selfish act of betrayal. It also sounds like she needs therapy to figure out why she is so broken that her only option was adultery.
I, too, agree that both of you need to get tested for STDs ASAP. My sister’s husband gave an STD and fathered a child from one of his affair partners. My sister was totally devastated along with her children. Needless to say, divorce was the only option for her.
Your wife needs to transfer jobs or find another one. You should have access to all social media sources. Your wife’s privilege to privacy has gone out the window. Going forward, your wife does not need any male friends. The only male friend she needs is you if you choose to stay and work things out with her. Why people don’t already know this is beyond me.
According to what you posted, she does sound remorseful and seems to want to work on the marriage. It’s unfortunate that she had to break your heart in order to realize that, just like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, everything she ever wanted was in front of her the whole time (There’s no place like home.) She thought that the grass was greener somewhere else. It is because that’s where the septic tank is.
Again, I am terribly sorry for what you will have to face because of her and her affair partner’s choice to cheat and possibly put your health at risk. I do think that a visit to a lawyer is warranted just so you know your options.
As a child, my father had affairs, and apparently we must have been the talk of the town. I come from a very small town (about 2,000 people). When I was about 9 or 10, I was on the playground when some kids came to me laughing and telling me that my father had a girlfriend. They kept laughing, left to go play not realizing the bomb they had just thrown my way. From that point on, things that I had seen before started to make sense. The fact that I used to hear my mother crying behind closed doors. The fact that I used to hear them arguing, but being little, I had no clue why they argued. From that point on, it shattered my perception of my father. I was truly embarrassed to have him as my father. He smoked, he drank, he gambled, and now I knew that he was hardly ever home because he had his lady friends. I came to realize that strangers were more important than his real family. This affected my self esteem. It was almost nonexistent so I can just imagine how my mother felt and you as well.
I never told anyone about how I found out about my father’s character until years later after he had passed away. My sisters and I were at my second sister’s house, and the conversation inevitably always turns to how an awful father we had and how grateful we were to have had our mother as a stable force in our lives. That is when I decided to tell them about how I had found out about his infidelities. My sister was so angry. She recounted what happened when she was little. My mom and dad were arguing, and my father raised his hand to slap her. My sister said she quickly got between them so that he would not slap her. My sister loathes my father due to his cheating and just being a terrible father in general.
I hope your wife realizes how her adultery will affect her friends and family primarily you and her children for generations. Your children will ultimately be the ones that pay for her choice to cheat. Get them into therapy if you think they need it.
Again, I am truly sorry for the wounding of your heart. Set your boundaries, and stick to them. There are many people here that will give you wonderful advice. Read the posts by KEEP here whose wife cheated on him. He talks about what he went through, trying to mend his heart, and setting up his boundaries to protect himself. Talk to someone to gain perspective.
Good luck to you and your family, and take care of yourself for your children’s sake. Wish I could give you a hug.