Brandi, I ordered the book 5 days after D-Day. I was committed to changing my behaviors, my lies, my way of thinking, most of all, how to help my wife heal from my affair. I was not an avid reader in the past, but since my affair, I have become an avid reader, not so much because I want to learn to change, but because I actually enjoy reading now. I'm more proned to reading "How-to-books"
However, my BS is not an avid reader, nor an avid Forum attender. I have suggested few times about this forum, some books, but I am counter attached with the look of, "How dare you tell me to read for help when YOU need the help.
" look and statement.
I have read so far 11 books since D-Day (February 11, 2016). They have been a help to me in my behavioral changes.
Well, I'm with you on this one Lleckron, as the BS I read as many books as I could lay my hands on, desperately wanting to lay out a few ground rules and guide lines for my husband. And it's all well and good trying to follow the advice in some of them and indeed I could have done this but it's made extremely difficult when the other half doesn't want to read them or doesn't seem to think they need to. My husband said, 'what good will that do me'?
So in the end I thought that the only one who was really going to help me was ME! It was no use trying to follow all the guide lines, but there were a few I stuck to, that seemed logical to me, for example there was no way I could live with him if he was continuing to see her, so he moved out.
But in the end your wife may find she does need some help, whether that be counselling on her own for a while, the support of good friends, or she may even pick up that book when she's ready.
When the dust settles, the realisation will come that BOTH partners eventually have to do the work together to make any progress.
You're clearly committed to the process of healing and reconciliation and she'll see that you mean this from your actions.
She'll get there...in her own time