Really Bad Day Rebuilding Our Marriage
Bronze Member 180 posts Phoenix Bronze Member 180 posts
Phoenix
It's one of many days, Yesterday was the anniversary of the first kiss with my AP. MY BS is in a lot of pain and has a lot of anger. He is asking me to contact my AP (from 20 years ago). He wants me to tell him how much I love him and how I have destroyed my marriage for him. He was able to track him down. When I had my affair he was single. Now he has a family. I do not want to do this. First I believe my BS is asking me to do this out of his pain and anger and two I do not see a point to disrupt someones life after 20 year. Yes he disrupted my husbands first but I do not think it is fair for his now wife. Could this be restitution? I really don't think this is conducive in anyway? I want to show my good faith but this I beliee is to much. Please help!
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Crushed Bronze Member 71 posts
Crushed
I personally do not think that it will help. But I do get why he would like to do it.  He feels that if his life was destroyed by this guy that it is only fair that he should have to pay also.  It is a revenge/vengeance thing and it will only make him feel better for a day or two.
That being said why is it that you remember the day of your first kiss twenty years ago so well.  I would be angry too if you were celebrating that anniversary or even remembering it fondly.  Do you remember the exact date that you first kissed your husband.  Of course the first time I kissed my husband was 40 years ago and I cant remember the exact date but it was around Christmas we were at pavilion on the lake and the Christmas lights were shining off  of lake when he kissed me for first time. I was 16 and thought that I had found the love  of my life. It was magically and so romantic. That's the things the people who are unfaithful forget. And we the unfaithful remember them with such pain now

  
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Phoenix Bronze Member 180 posts
Phoenix
Crushed wrote:
I personally do not think that it will help. But I do get why he would like to do it.  He feels that if his life was destroyed by this guy that it is only fair that he should have to pay also.  It is a revenge/vengeance thing and it will only make him feel better for a day or two.
That being said why is it that you remember the day of your first kiss twenty years ago so well.  I would be angry too if you were celebrating that anniversary or even remembering it fondly.  Do you remember the exact date that you first kissed your husband.  Of course the first time I kissed my husband was 40 years ago and I cant remember the exact date but it was around Christmas we were at pavilion on the lake and the Christmas lights were shining off  of lake when he kissed me for first time. I was 16 and thought that I had found the love  of my life. It was magically and so romantic. That's the things the people who are unfaithful forget. And we the unfaithful remember them with such pain now

  

This is a date that is remembered by my BS and in turn reminds me very extensively. When I told him about the affair he wanted every single detail including the first time he kissed me. I remember this day because it happened a few days after my sons 3 birthday. A few of us from work went to out celebrate thanksgiving the Wednesday before. He took the opportunity to kiss me when we were left alone for a few minutes. I was horrified and made it clear that I was not flattered by it, but this is what started my curiosity and his non stop pursuit of me.
So since Dday my husband makes it a point to remember every day he feels significant in my affair journey. Believe me I would like to forget.  
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