I once read a medical article that said PTSD is basically incurable. That symptoms may lessen, but that the original trauma is so severe it changed the limbic system. The article described that the only true way to cure it is to reset the limbic system back to health. Which is very difficult to do.
How many of you are on anxiety meds? I too carry them with me. My WH has actually mocked me about my panic attacks and anxiety meds. I understand that he is projecting his shame; he doesn't see just how damaging his words and actions are. He doesn't see that his depth of denial is perpetuating my symptoms. Now that we're separated, the fog is lifting. I guess I didn't realize just how much I was repressing and ignoring. I'm remembering things that I had not noticed. I downplayed so much. I knew something was very wrong, but I was trying so hard to get myself back to normal that I fooled myself into ignoring the fact that as long as he was around, normal could not exist. I don't call my family. I isolate myself. I avoid social activities. The nightmares were agonizing. The panic attacks made me feel ashamed and very alone. Angry outbursts came out of nowhere, so did the tears. I teetered between hypervigilance and exhaustion. Life was just so much easier in bed. I miss my laughter. I miss my smile. I miss me.
DD 10/16/16 WS multiple relapses Physical affair, emotional affairs, online affairs In-house separation 06/11/18 Complete separation 01/04/20 Last relapse 01/07/20 Don't be afraid. Don't be dismayed. The battle belongs to the Lord. 2 Ch. 20:15