EasyAsABC
My WS and I separated in April/May 2018, we did an in home separation initially for the kids sake, I finally got my own place in September 2018. Our divorce was finalized July 5th 2019. 
He started a public relationship with one of his APs immediately after I moved out, and they’ve since moved in together. We still coparent our young children together, which drives the GF crazy. Any time we are in the same place at the same time for the kids (school performances, pick ups and drops offs, or this Friday he hung out with the kids while I was setting up our kayak) she calls him nonstop. If she’s present during custody exchanges she glares at me the whole time. 
I don’t need or want her to like me, but I’m confused about her hatred of me, considering she was involved with my ex husband before we even split. I mentioned to my ex that I was uncomfortable with my kids spending time with someone that hated me so much, and he said “she only hates you because she’s intimidated by you”. Apparently she’s under the impression I want him back, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I initiated the separation and the divorce. 

For those with exes that are now with an AP, is this common? Is she just insecure because of how they met? I don’t hate her, I’m rather indifferent, but I am not okay with my kids spending time with someone that hates me so much. 
BS to an abusive H 2009-2018
OW 2018-2019
I wear many hats.
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HangingOn
 Might think she got into the relationship and resents the “baggage” of the marriage she destroyed.  Having an affair is wonderfully non responsible and no reality of life is included.  Now the game she “won” has reality attached.  I’m guessing it’s not you specifically but that your former marriage will be with her forever.  I hope she is kind to your children.  
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anthro
Don't forget that married men tell their APs a lot of untrue stories about their spouses, so she might think you treated him badly, were manipulative, etc.
Formerly known as Anthropoidape... male bs, long affair, d-day Feb 2017.
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Experiencethedevine29
Insecure.  Look at the reality of it. She’s in a relationship with a proven liar, cheat and bull**itter...

he’s SUCH a catch she can hardly believe her luck...😂.. now the reality has set in she’s terrified of you because she knows she can’t trust him and she’s worried he’ll start chasing you behind her back because you kicked his jackass out.  You’re divorced ffs, she should be focusing on following her gimp around to make sure he behaves...🙄

She doesn’t hate you, she’s intimidated.  The dizzy mare is scared witless and given the choice would make him steer clear of you forever, but she’s not facing the fact that you and her 🛎🔚 have children who need both parents and  whether she likes it not you’ll be around for a long time.

Id feel the same about my young children being around her too, but all you can do is make it clear to their Father that he shouldn’t allow her to unload her insecurities on them, and to keep her trap shut when they’re in her presence. That’s the least she can do, the twat.

Dont get involved in all that drama and try to ignore her as best you can. Indifference...when you reach it, she won’t matter anyway. 

ETD🌻
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grappling
My heart goes out to you and your children. So sad. I'm no prophet, but I doubt she'll stick around long. I don't think he can stand being so heavily monitored. This marriage is doomed from the start. Just be kind and strong and comforting for your kids, and remember, who you are.
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hurting
I think he is telling you the truth. She’s intimidated by you because she’s scared you will want him back. She can’t trust him because she KNOWS he cheats and lies. And you’re the one that left, which says to her if you wanted back in, you could do it. 

What a sad way to live...
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UrbanExplorer
anthro wrote:
Don't forget that married men tell their APs a lot of untrue stories about their spouses, so she might think you treated him badly, were manipulative, etc.


This. Any chance of having a civil conversation with her limited to making things easier when it comes to the children and common events you all attend? 
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ThrivenotSurvive
I was thinking along the lines of Urban.  If it looks like this one might be around for a while and you really are pretty indifferent, you might just ask if you can talk.  Tell her what you told us - that you have no need to be besties, but you'd like to be civil for the kid's sake.  Tell her that you have no interest in your ex  and that your interest in her, him and/or their relationship is limited only to how it effects the kids.  

She likely assumes that you hate her and bad mouth her.  She was an AP and probably assumes (as you often have) that the AP assumes the majority of the blame for the break-up.  She doesn't get that you have no love for your ex because SHE thinks he's a catch. 

So let her see that she is wrong - right from the source.  She may question what he's told her about you if she begins to realize that the picture he painted doesn't match the one in front of her.  Then leave it be and just act civilly when you see each other.

I've known more than one woman who found that dealing with the GF (even ex-AP) of an abusive/manipulative ex-spouse was easier than dealing with the ex-spouse themselves.  The two women figured out schedules and left the guy out of it.  Kept drama to a minimum for everyone.  May not be possible with this woman, but who knows? 

Good luck - this one is never easy to navigate.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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Keepabuzz
You could always beat some sense into her....🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Totally kidding, you shouldn’t beat sense into her. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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arizons
anthro wrote:
Don't forget that married men tell their APs a lot of untrue stories about their spouses, so she might think you treated him badly, were manipulative, etc.


Anthro is right on this one. Even though the ex-AP is out of our lives and my husband and I are moving on. The AP would sent me emails and spout off all the lies my husband had told her as FACTS. Oh-- she was so despite to believe them all hook line and sinker because it made it easier for her to justify what she was doing and someone make me the bad one and not her. Even though...I think deep deep down she knew most of what he said was untrue.
     So, I think that is part of it. And, I think she would likely act that why with any woman he is around for any leanth of time. its not like he is trust worthy.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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