TimT

 In your affair situation, was there any contact between the betrayed spouse and the affair partner? (If yes, please post a description of the encounter.) 34  votes

 No contact. 10 votes
29%
 Yes, the affair partner contacted the betrayed spouse. 3 votes
8%
 Yes, the betrayed spouse contacted the affair partner. 21 votes
61%
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If there was any contact between the betrayed partner and affair partner in your situation, describe the encounters and whether the outcome was positive or negative from your point of view.
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surviving
Before I knew better, I sent a quick FB message to my WH's AP.  She never answered back.  Which is probably a good thing, huh?  However, every time I go back to where we used to live (another state), I have an anxiety attack fearing I might run into her.  I have had nightmares of what I would say to her.  I just hope I never face her because it won't be pretty!
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TimeToFly
There are many times I wish I had contacted her through either an email or a phone call. Maybe doing that would have let her know that I was willing to fight for my marriage & that she needed to stay out of our lives. In some ways I feel like I allowed them to have their affair right in front of me & I was always the one on the sidelines. Perhaps standing up for what you believe in & confronting the problem is a better way...I'll never know since we are divorced.  
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Anna26
At the time I was in two minds whether to speak to her face to face or not.  In the end I felt this wasn't a good idea, but I still wanted to get my feelings across.  So I wrote her a letter explaining a few things.  She never responded, but I never expected her to. Like TimetoFly says, I felt they were carrying on regardless, just the two of them with no thought for me, and  I just wanted her to know that there was a real third person in this triangle, with real feelings and real pain.
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Scarlett
The BS contacted me (the AP) through FB message. I did not respond and she later blocked me. She sent a message through a mutual friend to tell me not to ever contact her or her spouse again. (I never did attempt to contact her...only contacted her H). I sent a message back through that friend that my relationship was with her husband, not her, and that she should not contact me herself or through a third party. I never heard from her again. 
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AHmember59
Despite repeated attempts by my WS to have no contact, I did begin a text conversation with the OW approximately 1month after DD.  The answers to questions I asked were similar to the WS answers, suspicious but no "real" connection, it was over.....  one move, many therapy sessions, numerous talks with WS for truth, nine months go by..... discovered they never stopped seeing each other, everything the OW said to me was scripted by my WS. Devistation X2, AND WS is now calling/texting constantly......he wants me back...............!?!
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nec
My husband's affair partner was someone we had known well for 20 years. She was continuing to act as my little sister of sorts until I figured out what was happening. Once I did the contact was negative. I threw her phone at one point and once asked her if she had anything to say to me. She never once apologized. I had to cut her out completely. My family was paramount and I did not and five years later continue to hardly think about her. I don't forgive her but I want to reduce my anger for my own mental and physical health. Ultimately she was not my issue... He was.
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Shayla
I had contact with one of my husbands APs. I messaged her through FB and it got pretty heated, but it was helpful for both me and my husband. I got to tell her what I thought of her and he got to see a very hateful side of her he hadn't seen before.
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Merry
The day after I discovered my husband was having an affair, he sat beside me as I called and talked to the other woman.  I began by quoting her words on his cell phone, "Hi, baby, it's me!" in a lilting voice.  I introduced myself and told her I knew she was fornicating with my husband, that it was a carnal sin that would keep them both from ever knowing heaven.  She told me to tell him to never call her again.  He has told me time and again that it was the biggest mistake of his life and he has made amends and helped me through this with compassion and intimacy.  The call helped me to be able to say the things I needed to say and I think it put an end to it for my husband.  I do not believe they have carried on.  That was 3 1/3  years ago.  I have forgiven; I would like to forget.
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GenevieveO
Immediately after D-Day and for months thereafter, I had ongoing, obsessive fantasies of running the OW over with my car, of beating her to a pulp.  I told my husband I would slit her throat.  I had always been an emotionally and psychologically grounded person up to that point, but my husband's affair sent me over the edge and I completely lost my mind.  I did some Facebook/internet research on the OW on D-Day and thereafter, and her photo and the details I found haunt me today, if I allow my mind to go there (I try not to - I actually avoided responding to this thread for awhile because I prefer, now, not to give much time to thinking about the OW, instead focusing on my husband and my own journey).  At this stage, I am glad I never met the OW in the flesh, as I think that would have been a recurring ugly memory that would replay again and again in my mind, and I don't need that negative energy.  The only time I had contact with the OW was after my husband had moved out of his hotel room, which he had been sharing with her, and she tried to reach him by phone upon arriving at the hotel later that night and seeing that his stuff was gone.  After she had attempted to reach him by phone numerous consecutive times to talk, without him picking up, and had texted him again and again, to which he replied that it was over and he was reconciling with his wife (me), and she wouldn't accept it and continued to blow up his phone, I sent her a text identifying myself and telling her that her affair with my husband was over, we were reconciling, and I recommended that she do the same with her husband (my husband suggested that I add that last bit).  She responded with a text saying something to the effect of "I will respect his decision, but I feel he owes me better than doing this over text after all we've been through."  In the end - whether my husband and I are able to work out our marriage or not - I know the OW has nothing on me.  And that is all I need to know at this point.
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Ginger
My husband came clean. Within minutes of him telling her in my presence in no uncertain terms he was done, she sent several pictures of them together thru fb, including changing her profile pic to avpuc of them. Then blocked me before I could respond. Two days later, I woke up to an onslaught of fb notifications. 60+ private messages screenshotted and sent to me. A message 'fight' bt us ensued. She has contacted my husband (who later changed his #) several times. She continues to post things about us & attempt to engage me on social media (almost 7 months past dd) & stalks my social media outlets (tho I have her blocked), family members, his friends.
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Hope4Healing
The affair partner was my best friend in the world second only to my husband. They had an on/off EA for nine months. I forgave her time after time only to be betrayed by them again. Friends come and go but a marriage is God's most sacred relationship. I decided to remove her from my life and concentrate on my marriage. I'm glad I did. It's been almost a year since their last go round and we're doing really good. I'm confident I made the only decision I could for my marriage.
Hope4Healing
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