This isn’t about whether he has a child with her or not. There are couples who have survived that.
It’s about the fact that he isn’t a good or safe partner. 1) He has continued to be deceitful- that, in and of itself, is a dealbreaker. He lied and had an affair. He continued to lie and created a child. He is still lying and is spending time with her at a hotel. What huge, life altering thing will the next lie be about? Don’t wait to find out. 2) You said you’ve been working on the marriage, but you don’t feel like he has. NOPE. He was the one who broke it - he should be doing the heavy lifting to fix it. He’s acting as if he’s doing YOU some sort of favor by staying. He’s not. You did HIM a favor by giving him a second chance. It sounds like he’s squandered it. It’s time to love yourself like you love your kids. You wouldn’t let someone treat them this way - so don’t let them see you allow yourself to be degraded and lied to ANYMORE. Show them that sometimes self respect is a hard - but absolutely necessary choice.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl