Thank you for your responses and your support. I'd like your opinions on something. I have asked my H for 5 things to help me to put this behind me. I have been waiting five years for these things and although he originally said he would do ANYTHING if I would give him another chance, he hasn't done any of these things.
1. A timeline of events and his feelings/thinking which led to the A and allowed it to continue
2. Reading posting and responding to this board or another anonymous forum.
3. A letter, written to MOW telling her that love was not involved in their A, that it was a selfish, indulgent and abusive arrangement of which he is ashamed and will regret for the rest of his life.
4. A letter of apology to the other betrayed spouse.
5. Getting her voice off of his business' answering machine.
His reasons for not doing these things?........
1. He feels it is more productive spending that time with me, and his memory is poor.
2. Again, he would prefer to do other things.
3. He refuses to break "no contact" as he fears retribution from her which may affect his business.
4. He doesn't really feel remorse toward the OBS. He wants to let sleeping dogs lie. It will also bring him more shame.
5. Doing so will cause an antagonistic situation with his business partner, with whom he already has a poor relationship.
Am I being punitive by asking for these things? I must admit that the thing which bothers me the most, is that he led his mistress to believe that they had a deep love for one another, but he would not leave his family out of duty and obligation. It is humiliating for me to know that she thinks I was not valued enough to deserve his respect or fidelity.
Is it just my own damaged ego keeping me stuck? Or do I have a right to ask these things of him?