Ironsides1
I was hoping for some feedback from the community on this. Last night, I felt the need to tell my wife that I forgive her for a specific incident in her affair. I truly mean it. In this instance, I believe that I am completely over it, understand it, and have no more need for information about it, or to be upset about it. I feel like I have processed it, and am now done with it, and can completely move on from bad feelings about it. I explained my reasoning behind it and told her I knew it was a little odd to forgive a specific thing like that, rather than speaking about forgiveness in general, and we talked about it a little bit, and she gracefully accepted the forgiveness. I also don't think she had any negative feelings about the selectivity of it. 

What I am wondering is: Is this healthy? I don't really plan to go down a checklist and forgive her line by line. I just had a real moment of clarity and thought the right thing to do was to share that with her, and demonstrate my progress and show that I am in fact working on forgiveness, and am able to give it.

What do you all think? Good idea, bad idea?

-Ironsides
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TimT
Some people may want to define the whole offense (the "checklist") and do the necessary work to forgive or not forgive the whole thing. Others may do exactly what you're suggesting, Ironsides1, by dealing with each item one at a time. I don't think there's a right-or-wrong. Do whatever allows you to process it in a way that you can truly let go of it and leave it in its proper place (the past).

The only caution I would give to anyone is to first do the work of creating the list. The list does not need to be an exhaustive account of every detail, but a complete and honest confession of whatever information is necessary to know. But agree on the list first and then start working through the process of forgiveness.

If the list remains open-ended, a couple risks a never-ending process of confession/forgiveness that will eventually exhaust and discourage both of them.
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