PhoenixRising Show full post »
UrbanExplorer wrote:

My husband was also angriest with me when I was talking about separation, angrier than he was on D-day.

I think I was hurting not just for most of our marriage, but for much of my life (except when distracted by new relationships or new babies). That was one reason I delayed leaving my marriage - the realization that I would bring self-defeating patterns with me and that I do not know what a relationship with my husband would look like if I were openly and authentically living in it.

I feel the same way, that I have been hurting for a very long time as well, much of my life. But the problem is too that my husband has issues of his own that he needs to deal with. I don't think he can really focus on himself until I am removed from the scenario. He focuses heavily on me to provide all of his happiness. And I simply cannot meet all of those needs. He needs to be able to be happy of his own first.
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I think those of us who are codependent/people pleasing tend to get in relationships with people who are needy or at least get used to us taking on their needs/emotions/agenda, so it is an adjustment for both people when the codependent partner starts setting healthier boundaries and asserting themselves.
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