Correct me if I am mistaken, but I understood that this husband is living in another state WITH his affair partner . So, in my opinion,if he initiates any interest or movement towards his marriage , HE IS PLAYING GAMES . That is unacceptable . I have seen countless wives suddenly become the OW! The OW cannot exist in any way shape or form , otherwise he is still in a fog. And using some (if not all ) of the techniques on the 180 ...... (Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!
Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.
Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!
...is more about "fake it till ya make it ". This list takes practice and is very difficult and is frequently the opposite of what we want to do. This has zero to do with "passive aggressive behaviour ". ZERO No wife , in her right mind , would say to a cheating spouse ..
Hey, I'm willing to entertain the thought of our relationship, but I'm not going to play games. , at a meeting to exchange mail. (????)
I've seen countless times, read countless times, where a BS has implemented the 180, and laid out exactly what was said there.
Its about establishing a boundary. It's not said AT the meeting to exchange mail, it's said WAY before.
What you are saying is, to make it even simpler is...
I am willing to work to make this marriage work, but I won't expend any effort if you are seeing your affair partner. (This is the part about playing games.) you have to be 100% committed to OUR relationship ONLY before we can move forward.
I'm not sure why you think "no wife in their right mind would say to a cheating spouse" when it has been done countless times before.
To be clear. The 180 isn't about making anyone do anything. That's control. It's about moving on in a situation by doing things you can control. It's about setting and enforcing boundaries. It's NOT a punitive measure in order to punish your spouse (remember what I was saying about manipulation, passive aggressive behaviour and control?) but a measure of allowing you some semblance of control over yourself when faced with a situation that you have absolutely no control over (the actions of your cheating spouse.)
And to be even more clear? If your spouse has any intentions of coming back, or is entertaining the thought of coming back (which IS the case in a lot of situations, otherwise the WS wouldn't expend energy to see if the possibility is there) then setting up a boundary will PREVENT the situation you describe, where the BS becomes the OW. BOUNDARIES.
They are important.