Lookingahead
Well, we made it past the one year mark. D-day was difficult, but overall I handled things well. I felt some relief for the first week afterwards, but the past two days I'm feeling a lot of pain again. I'm not sure why. I want to feel better. I recall making it through the one year mark and saying "okay, it's really time to move forward and let the past be in the past". I felt good about that yet here I am today looking at a picture of my husband and thinking "how could that man do this to me?" and waves of sadness and anger are washing over me. Am I stuck or is this normal? 
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TimT
Lookingahead wrote:
Well, we made it past the one year mark... the past two days I'm feeling a lot of pain again... waves of sadness and anger are washing over me. Am I stuck or is this normal?
What was happening this time a year ago? It's not unusual for certain times/dates (esp around holidays or special events) to evoke emotions sympathetic to what you were going through a year from now. Yes, it's normal. Acknowledge them, but turn your focus to the real change you've experienced, the efforts of your spouse, and the hope you have for ongoing healing. Let him know you're not turning back, but that you're struggling in ways you don't completely understand. Hopefully, he'll be willing to offer comfort, even though he doesn't have all the answers to what you're experiencing.
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Lookingahead
Thank you Tim. I really needed these words of encouragement today. This time last year I could barely function. My world had collapsed in on me and I felt like I was dying. I suppose when you put it in perspective it allows me to see how much progress we have made. We are a team and my husband continues to do everything in his power to help heal us both. I needed him today and he was there. I know in my heart we will eventually get to the other side. 

We went to see our son perform at school tonight. I looked around me and thought of what it would be like to be there, but not as husband and wife. I nearly burst into tears. The alternative for both of us is something that continues to drive us forward. We held hands tightly and I felt thankful for this opportunity that we have to work hard and love each other every day. It's a gift from God that I don't take lightly.

Anyway, one day at a time. I appreciate the reassurance that this is part of the process. 
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Keepabuzz
I experienced similar feelings around and after the first anniversary of D-day. The actual anniversary day wasn’t as bad as I had feared, and I was doing ok for a few days. Then I wasn’t. I had a ton of anger and pain that cane flooding back.  This lasted about 2 weeks, then I slowly came out of it. It’s very hard. I just think it’s one of the many, many dips or potholes on this road we are on. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Greyes128
Oh thank goodness I’m not the only one! Our d Day was last week and it was amazing honestly. My husband took me shopping two days before and bought me a new ring. We had a great dinner together and cried tears of joy for getting to the point we are now. 

However yesterday I saw one of his former friends who would come to our house with his wife and my husband’s AP. I have done a complete 180. I can’t get memories out of my head and the things my husband would say about the Ap. I was crying last night and crying this morning. I don’t understand why, I am crazy about the husband I have now. I wouldn’t want to go back to the way we were when this was going on or before it happened. I am dying to go forward. I thought I was going forward but now all I feel is hurt and anger. You all have given me hope that this is just a passing thing.
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surviving
Greyes128 - a "passing thing" by all means.  Triggers and thoughts come and go.  Sometimes I feel great, other times, not so much.  Time is the key.  It takes time to get honest answers to your questions.  It takes time to not feel weird at places or events that used to involve the AP.  Even when I think I am better, something triggers me again.  I am so glad you had a great time shopping and getting a new ring.  What a blessing!  Keep looking up!
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Greyes128
Thank you. Just putting my feelings down seemed to really help me. Fortunately or really unfortunately the places I was at with the AP were my home and a winery. My home is what hurts the most I don’t know what the heck my husband was thinking (says he was a stupid idiot now) bringing her here. However we have rearranged furniture and changed a lot of things around to help me. Our back patio is our haven and she was back there too. Needless to say last spring I bought new cushions for the furniture and some new chairs too. My husband painted our chiminea too. He’s been really great about helping me so that’s what I focus on. I keep telling myself I’m lucky to have a supportive spouse. My father cheated on my mom several times and blamed her and was horrible. Needless to say they are still married and she’s bitter. I do not want that life.
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