BlindCheetah

In 1 week H and I will be spending 3 kid free days (he has to work 1 day) in the town where he spent his last night with AP2 7 months ago. We’re taking the RV they stayed in a nice hotel, a hotel he wanted me to pick for him. I told him I didn’t care where he stayed as long as he was alone, he promised he would be.

On that trip he accidentally called me and I listened to him and AP talking and walking down the street for 15 minutes, I couldn’t understand any of it but it was him and a female. I called and asked who he was with, he lied and spent hours that night calming me down. 2 days later I was contacted by AP and told the truth about who he was with. Lots of truth came out that night. That’s when things started to really change. I’m not sure he would have ever told me the truth if he hadn’t been backed into a corner. The whole thing was horrible.

I don’t think he has any clue how hard this trip will be for me but it needs to be done. We’re supposed to be there with the whole family in November but I’d be shocked if that trip doesn’t get corronacanceled. 

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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ThrivenotSurvive
I wouldn’t shy from letting him know exactly how hard it is for you.  If they can’t share the burden that their unfair actions have placed on you, they don’t deserve to be a part of your life.  
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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BlindCheetah
I’m not holding anything back, I think he’s just going to have to be there with me to have any comprehension of how hard it is. 

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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FanofMike2020

BlindCheetah:

It’s unfortunate that you have to hold a grown man’s feet to the fire.  Just another consequence to being unfaithful.  It’s like saying, “ I already have a four year old toddler.  I don’t need a Baby Huey as well.”  

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BlindCheetah

And the persistent one strikes again. Found 3 blocked messages. She’s not happy about being ghosted called H a horrible person and said she wished she’d never met him. 

Funny she told me she was done with him in December. Not sure exactly what she thought contacting me would accomplish but it didn’t work. I am enjoying her frustration but I would rather she just get sucked into a black hole or get kidnapped by a bunch of insane clowns just go away. 

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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BlindCheetah
I desperately want him to find the messages and show them to me instead of silently deleting them. I also want to delete them before he sees them. 

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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hurting
I’m not sure about your situation, but I have made it very clear to my WS what he is to do if there is any attempt at contact (show me then get rid of it). Perhaps he isn’t aware (coz WS aren’t known for their emotional intelligence) or isn’t finding them? 

If it is important to you, perhaps make it known to him... though I do get the feeling of not wanting to draw attention to her too.
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BlindCheetah
I’ve told him I want him to tell me, I usually find them first and tell him I’m deleting it. Last time I let one sit for him to find he just deleted it. I think he felt like it was a trap, when really I just wanted to give him a chance to do it right. 

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

Quote 0 0
BlindCheetah
So, he showed me the texts but I think he knows I left them for him to find. Next time I’ll delete and stay quiet. 

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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hurting
Doesn’t really matter if you found them first... like you said, it’s an opportunity for him to do the right thing
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BlindCheetah
hurting wrote:
Doesn’t really matter if you found them first... like you said, it’s an opportunity for him to do the right thing


I guess my concern is he felt like the last time was a trap so he felt like he had to show me not necessarily doing it because it was the right thing to do. 

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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hurting
Hmm it’s tricky. I think my WS showed me because he was scared I had seen it and if he didn’t do it, I would leave. I actually hadn’t seen the email she sent before he showed me so that was ‘good’ for me. I guess it’s just getting into the habit of doing it? 
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BlindCheetah
Tonight I get to endure a 4th of July party that will probably have more people than I expected when I agreed to go. My Monster-in-Law will also be there, yay! 😬  Good news is there are hundreds of acres to hide if there are too many people. Tomorrow we leave for our trip. Due to unexpected circumstances there will be extreme social distancing which is OK with me.

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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BlindCheetah
Inside my head is a complicated place to be right now. 

Female BS
Married 19 years 
2 tween girls

DDay 10/2019 
Affair 1, 11/2010 to 2/2011
Affair 2, 6/2019 to 12/2019 - Persistent One is still trying to contact him. 

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ThrivenotSurvive

If it is any consolation, my head has ALWAYS been a complicated place to live.  

But seriously, hope things calm down.  

BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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