My WS and I have different visions of what we think our new marriage will look like:
*I believe it will be a marriage with distrust, resentment, anger and jealousy. I think there will always be triggers and that the memories of the affair will never go away.
*He believes that I will eventually forget all about the affair, that we will be happier and closer then ever.
Our story: We were together 14yrs (married 6 of those). We have a 5yr old son. He asked for a separation in Apr 2015, I left end of June as he was becoming colder and more disconnected. We went to MC over the next few months. He said he asked for a separation as he felt I did not love him anymore. Our son is very high energy, sleeps 6hrs max, I maintained ALL household and childcare responsibilities, I work full time and go to Univ part time. He worked 10hr days and rest of time was in his garage or on his ATV. I told him I was just tired, had always asked for his help and for him to spend time with us. So during MC he said it was my job and to suck it up. I was willing to save our marriage and returned home the weekends to do so. We had great weekends and he said how happy he was and how much he loved me. I was ready to move home on Oct 1st, however, I found out Sept 27th he had been seeing someone the whole time. She was the reason he asked for the separation as she showed him attention I wasn't giving him. He said he broke it off and wanted to work it out with me.
I found his Facebook messages to her, he basically made me out to being a cold hearted b** that only cared about our son, that I never gave him attention, how we didn't communicate and that maybe he should stay with me for our son and that maybe I was the only one who could live with his imperfections.
He says these are all lies and since the separation having our son 50/50 he has realized how much I did for him and how much work it was to raise him on my own. They still work together but he says he doesn't talk to her other then work related issues. It was an emotional & physical affair so I don't believe it's over in her mind or if he can look at her as only a co-worker?
Can this work? Will I become jealous and bitter? I just can't get over the way he talked about me and the things he said to her. He helps now with our son and has had to do his own housework so he says he's a changed man? I said doing Laundry doesn't reassure me that he won't cheat again? As he continues to use the "excuse" if you call it that, that he didn't feel my love. I fear he never will without constant reassurance etc.
He asks me what can he do to help me heal? I don't know? what can he do to make me feel secure and the only one he wants? What did your WS do to reassure you?