ThrivenotSurvive
1565366252
My husband had been on a long term contract with one of his top clients. The AP had been at the company for about a year and they'd worked together on and off but she hardly registered. it wasn't until he ended up on the longest running contract of his life (almost two years straight) and them working side by side while I was several states away that things changed. Anyhoo - he did have to interact with her for about 4 months after DD to put finishing touches on the project they'd been working on (remotely - via phone/text) . In order to make that easier, he saved and showed me all text communications and I was able to listen to all phone calls. She struggled every time they had to have contact and would try to talk to him about them being "friends". I really liked and respected the people who ran the company (who were CLUELESS about what had happened) and didn't particularity want them to suffer for his crappy mistake or know about it since it would have radically change how he was perceived (it's a very Catholic company)... so both he and I were struggling with how to tell them that he wouldn't be accepting any more contracts. Luckily, she was brokenhearted that he wasn't interested in being "friends" and found working with him too hard - so she left and moved across the country. Now he still works with them and we don't have to think about her at all. Interestingly, about a year ago (two years post DD) we were at dinner with another manager at the company and his wife. While talking about a job coming up and the temporary contract staff that would need to be hired, the manager mentioned in passing that she had reached out to him and asked if they would be interested in having her come back to work on the job. Given that she KNOWS that my husband is their go-to person for all of these types of jobs and would have been the first person on the team - it was clear she was trying to see him. (She was also stalking my Instagram at the time so that was another clue.) Fortunately, without missing a beat, my husband said he didn't really think they'd need her and the other manager agreed and we haven't dealt with that issue again. But I mention it to show that if the AP doesn't find someone else - or has lingering hope - they MAY use any opportunity to try and find an in. While it is 100% on our WS's to resist - I wouldn't want to work with an ex who was still harboring feelings... so why should they? During the time they did work together it was a constant source of friction/ a constant reminder. And she was so clearly willing to use every opportunity where he HAD to interact with her to try and keep any connection going, it kept me pissed off. I would take ANY opportunity I had that didn't cause me to starve to reduce my anxiety - and give reconciliation the least amount of hurdles to overcome. It's already hard as hell. Don't set you or him up for failure when you are fragile and healing.
BS - Female Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl