I know you love him and want things to work out... but there are a LOT of red flags in what you are describing. In your other post you mentioned that though you've known each other for a long time, you've only been a couple for three years. This is typically the "honeymoon" phase of most relationships. And yet, during that time you mentioned (in your last post) that there were previous inappropriate texting issues with other women and now this scenario , which he says didn't progress to sex, but she indicates differently. I hate to say it, but I think it is way more plausible that her story is the "correct" version of what happened. Trickle truth is very, very common and you will likely learn more as time progresses. First red flag - he's had issues with seeking outside attention and lack of appropriate boundaries during the earliest stages of your relationship. This has nothing to do with you. There is something wrong in him. It could be an addiction to attention to shore up low self-esteem or an ingrained mechanism stemming from childhood issues - or some other deep psychological issue. Whatever the case, it will take a MAJOR effort from HIM to overcome - and in order to overcome it, he will first have to be willing to do a lot of soul-searching and self-reflection to figure our the WHY of what he is doing. This isn't something that you can make him do - he will have to want to do it himself. It is EXACTLY like a drug addiction. He will not change until HE wants to change - and like a drug addiction, he may not see any real reason to change until he's hit rock bottom. Second red flag - he's still lying and being defensive. He wants you to "get over it" and move ahead. Not only will that not help you heal - it will allow him to hide the truth from HIMSELF as well. Until he faces what he is doing and WHY he is doing it, there is little chance for change. Case in point... he's escalated from texting inappropriately to physical contact. His behavior is getting WORSE, not better. I am sorry but until he's willing to do something substantial to show you that he's committed to looking "under the hood" of his behaviors and the reasons for them (the real reasons - the ones inside him) I don't think you have any reason to believe that anything will be different - at least not for long. If he REALLY wants to show you that he wants to change and get your marriage on track, he'll do something meaningful that is likely very uncomfortable to him - sign up for individual counseling or marriage counseling, or if that is financially not feasible, he could read some of the resources on the main website for this forum and do the First Aid and the WHY? courses. Just saying that it won't happen again without doing anything concrete is frankly useless. I've never seen it work. Read some of the resources on the main website for YOURSELF - read the threads on here that talk about the 180 and how to heal yourself. Between your love for him and the fact that you have a child together, you are going to be tempted to let him off easy - to accept his apologies and his promises that he won't do anything like this again. And I get it. I don't judge you for that at all and no one else here will either. But I think that it will be a mistake. If you have ANY chance of a healthy, secure relationship in the future - it will be only because you make it clear that you will accept nothing less than that NOW - and require him to DO something (like what was mentioned above.) If he refuses - do the 180 (look it up on here). You need to dig deep and be WILLING to lose him and the relationship if he can't or won't make significant changes. Because if something fundamental doesn't change NOW, this pattern that he's already been acting out will only continue... and likely just get worse with time. That is no environment for you - or your child. I am so sorry you are having to go through this at ANY time, much less right now when you should be celebrating your child.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl