ch2116
My girlfriend has left me because l failed to show remorse, compassion and empathy. The timeline I gave her had missing details on it. I continued to lie and deceive her. Pretty much I did everything wrong. When we would discuss things I would become defensive. I would blame shift and be emotionally abusive.

I am well aware of what I have done wrong. I want her back and there is a chance because she still does love me. Yet the only chance is if I change. I want to and need to change my way of thinking and acting. I feel remorse for what I have done and am disgusted with myself on how I acted. I already a Councillor that specializes in infidelity and I see another one that specializes in NPD. I have read how to help your sppuse heal and books on controlling my temper and to control wayward thinking.
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Fionarob
https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/how-does-unfaithful-make-amends

The above link will take you to a great article about making amends with your BS.  However, I don't want to give you false hope - your girlfriend may not want to reconcile her relationship with you.  This is my very personal opinion - but if my husband had betrayed me before we were even married I don't think I would have ever considered giving him another chance.  Especially if I had asked for information about the betrayal and he had continued to lie.

I have been with my husband 18 years and we have two children.  I had plenty of reasons to give him another chance. But if we didn't have the shared history, children, all the things we had worked hard to achieve together.......I am not sure what I would have done.  It would have changed my view of him hugely.

If you try everything and your girlfriend is resolute in her decision, then there is nothing more you can do.  But you CAN learn from your mistakes and this experience.  You CAN become a better person for your next relationship and hopefully this will never happen again. Make the most of your counselling and this experience. 
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TimT
It sounds like you are on the right path to recovery, but whether or not she is going to rejoin you is another issue. You can't control that (don't try), but can only demonstrate the sincerity of your change by your ongoing commitment to personal change. 

Fionarob gave some honest input regarding her only likely choices if she had been in your girlfriend's situation. There is so much vulnerability required in going back to someone who betrayed you that if there are not the normal "constraints" of marriage (vows, children, legal entanglements, etc) perhaps most people would think it wiser to avoid future risks and move on. To be honest, as a counselor (or as a friend, or as a father) I would be encouraging your girlfriend to think consider carefully before entering back into a relationship with you.

But from YOUR perspective (and I write as someone who was unfaithful to my wife) this is going to be a painful lesson, and so it provides an opportunity for real change. In fact, the most significant changes I observe in people usually come during times of pain. This is a tremendous hurt, but use it to motivate you into a different kind of story... a one that will know how to love better next time, whether it is with the same woman or not. 
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ch2116
We are not married but we do have a son together. He is almost 5 months old. I see the hurt and pain she is in. The outright confusion and conflict with her emotions. Its like her heart and her brain are fighting each other. I see her internal struggle and it tears me up inside knowing that I brought that upon her. I ask for the strength and guidance to aid her with this devastation I brought upon her.

She needs peace, stability and reassurance and I have brought none of that to her to date. I need help correcting my coping mechanisms and my destructive behaviour and damaging thoughts and actions. I constantly do knee jerk reactions. That must stop so I need advice on how to change that. I need advice and help to fix myself so I can become safe for her. If she decides to leave that is my fault and my burden but I still to fix myself regardless.
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Fionarob
Ok, it does change things slightly as you have a child together.  It also sounds like you are very in tune with how she is feeling right now, which is a good thing.  The fact that you can see her internal struggle - the fight between heart and brain - you have described it very well.  As a betrayed spouse, we face this internal struggle every day....for a long time!  Sometimes it just makes it better knowing people recognise it.

If you stand any chance with her then you need to promise you will do anything in your power to heal yourself, in order to break the pattern of behaviour.  She needs to see you making changes, not just for her but for your own self.  She also needs to know you will do anything to make her feel safe, access to anything she wants, no secrets from now on.

You are doing so many right things - taking responsibility for your choices and what you need to fix in order for this to never happen again.  Keep doing the right things and give her time.  The chances are she will want your relationship to work and her motivation will be for her son to ultimately have strong, loving parents who are great role models for what a good relationship looks like.  But she will be very scared to 'let you back in' at the moment. 
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