MrsJMW
It has been 8 months since Dday. I am as devastated today as I was the day I found out. My husband and I have been married 20 years. Together 22. This is second marriage for both. He is 8 years older than I am. He is a good man. Not only is he my husband he also is dad to my beautiful 3 boys that I had with my previous husband of 9 years. He has always worked hard and treated my boys as his own. They are all raised now and on there own. My husband is a alcoholic however when we met I made it clear that if he wanted to be with us he could not drink. He went to treatment and was sober the entire time we raised our boys. A few years ago he started drinking again and as much as I protested he continued. Then my dad moved in. 3 years later it was a disaster. We were both very unhappy. I love my dad but it was too hard living with him. He was very demanding and before I knew it our marriage was not a priority. Because my dad did not drink I finally had someone to communicate with. My WS and I quit communicating and he became bitter and angry I tried many times to reach out to him but the alcohol made it impossible. I constantly had some hope that some how some way we would heal. October of last year he became more distant and basically it felt as if we were only roommates. We survived the holidays and then one night in February he did not come home until very late. He had never done this before. I was sick to my stomach and had a bar feeling. I asked him where he was and he said drinking alone. I slept on the sofa that night and the next day he did everything he could to fight with me. I now know it was because he wanted to go. He did he left and the only communication I got was that he needed a time out. He was gone 30 day. 2 weeks after he left was when I found out he was staying with someone else. Its a small town so it was not hard to find out. The AP is a drunk that has an extended criminal background lets just say through my job I have access to this information. She is and was my complete opposite. She lived a hard life and she looks it. Sorry its hard not to go there! Anyway the day I found out I was completely devastated what hurts the most is not once would he talk to me about our problems he found someone else instead. When I found out I texted him and told him that I hoped him and her are happy and to let me know when he wanted to come get his things. The next morning he texted me and said he had messed up. This is such a long post but so much to tell. Anyway we met the next day and he proceeded to blame me for everything. He had convinced himself that I did not want him anymore and even accused me of cheating! I was so upset and hurt. I have never been unfaithful to him! I have always been so in love with him but with his anger that became prevalent especially when drinking and several attempts at communicating I just gave up but was always hopeful we would work it out. So I did not know what to do he made it clear he did not want a future with AP however he would not come home until my dad was on his way out. I talked to my dad after a lot of thought and wanting to save my marriage and he moved out. When he came home we finally started talking and we talked more then we had in years. We got our friendship back. Not sure how he worked and functioned the time he was away because he was on a binge and just drank with her. He admitted to physical intimacy but mostly she became his drinking buddy. I am doing IC and wish he would too. Now that he is home he has been remorseful and has now taken the blame for not coming to me to tell me why he was unhappy. Even as I write this I am grieving that part of it. I just don't understand how he would choose such anger that he was unapproachable and say I should have known. I new it was a mess but had no idea he would be with someone else after all the years I dedicated faithfully to him. I have so much more to say but will give you all a break for now...to be continued....
Quote 0 0
MrsJMW
Its late I can't sleep! Today was a rough one. I have educated myself about this affair business so much so that I could probably open a counseling center and make bank. JK honestly I am frustrated because part of this process of healing is asking questions and he just does not want to talk about it at all. He says he chose me (grrrr I hate that) and that we need to forget the past. I told him someday when this is in the past its possible there will be less talk about it but for now this is recent not "the past" I need to heal. I need to talk I want that 30 days back that he gave her.
Quote 0 0
Robin1971
Nothing more can I give you but a hug...I am sorry, you have alcohol and affair and a*shole behavior to deal with. I call that the triple whammy. My stepdad was the same way. Only thing I can tell you is you will get NO WHERE with alcohol involved. So until that part of it is taken care of it will be hard. I don't recall if you said he stopped drinking ( I can't scroll up). When the WS says past I cringe also. This is the NOW. I always say. It's the past for them because they had the whole affair to deal with how they were going to handle the outcome when it finally came out, if you know what I mean, so they want it to be over. We are 7 months DDay. But WS affair was about a year, so to him he had that long to contemplate how it would play out. To me it's still so fresh.
Quote 0 0