It is perfectly normal to still be upset 9 months after finding out. Everything I have read suggests that at best you will start to feel normal again 2 years after DDay.
But a child complicates matters SO much more! Is the OW married? Was she married at the time the child was born? Legally that makes a difference. If she hasn't contacted either of you again, he may not be that child’s father. It may have been a ploy for attention or money. However, if she was not married, and he is the father, he has a financial duty to this child. He also has a parental duty. And I know that that is the last thing you want to hear. A friend of mine was married at the time that her H fathered a child with another woman. She felt exactly as you do now. But, as time passed, and as it became apparent that the mother was not good for the child, she took him into her home. He was, after all, a sibling of their children. 25 years later, he is a part of their family and a good person because she was able to open her heart to him. It was by no means easy. But, I think you will find, that if you have to bring this child into your lives, you will eventually see the child for the person she is and not for how she came to be. Kids need love and they give it so easily, it’s hard to turn them away. Either way, you and your BF, have a lot of hard work ahead of you. If this relationship is to survive, he needs to be 100% honest and open about everything. For the rest of his life. You need to focus on your own healing. And decide what is best for you and your children. You probably should see a therapist for yourself. You need to be in a good, healthy place to make any decisions about your future. Read everything on here that speaks to you. Read everything you can find on the internet. Check out the resources that Tim and Sharon have provided. Listen to their podcast. Check out Samuel from Affair Recovery on YouTube. Focus on waking up every day with the intention to move forward. We are all here for you! You are not alone in this struggle!
Wishing everyone here peace and healing! Female BS Married 18 yrs DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting.