Mia2003
My heart breaks for my kids and what my h is doing.

We have an agreement where he has the kids every other weekend ( since he moved in with ow I have to sn d them to stay with her and her daughter too...it kills me every time they leave that he is playing happy families ) ......
My h constantly badgers me about child access in the holidays, he at first threatened me with mediation and court but now has backtracked saying we should discuss it so we don't waste our money.

This thing is so hard on my kids yet h just pushes , in my view, his new life on our kids when really he should've made more effort to save his old o e.
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Guiltguilt
Without doubt he has been an idiot, as I was.
Your title, however, says it all. My Kids. They're actually both of your kids. If you seek to use your children, or access to them, to punish your WS for the wrongs towards you, then I believe you are committing a worse act. I'm not saying you should be a doormat. If you feel that you can't stand up to your husband in negotiations, mediation is the right thing, regardless of cost. Mediation is about getting a result that suits all of you, while putting the kids first. Use your kids as pawns for your hurt at your own peril.
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Mia2003
Guilt I have never used my kids , h has access this has never been stopped. I do resent the insinuation.

But he is not contributing ,

Despite everything he has done to me and kids he has never been denied access
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Fionarob
Mia - my heart goes out to you.  I am in a similar situation, although my WS hasn't moved in with the OW yet I know it's only a matter of time.  To send my children off to be with him is painful enough, I shouldn't have to be in that situation.  But to send them off to be with him, his OW and her daughter, will be heart wrenching. 

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about that as he obviously has access rights, which you are letting him have.  I do think mediation would be good though, as it seems unfair that your children don't get to spend time with him alone.  Is he always with the OW and her daughter?  It would be nice for your children to spend some time alone with their Dad.  I don't know if mediation would help put something like that in place or not?

How long has it been since your WS moved out and in with the OW?  It sounds like the pain is still very raw with you and maybe this is just something you need to allow time and space to heal?  I am also dreading the day when my children have to go and be with my WS and his OW and I can't stand the thought of them coming back and talking about her, saying how lovely she is etc.  It will be heart breaking.  How do your children react to the situation?  Do they enjoy going to stay with him or do they find it upsetting? 

Stay strong.  It is truly a horrible situation to be in and I know the pain of it all.
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Crysp40
I'm going through the same thing Mia. My 2 little ones just left and it kills me to let them leave with WS and the Ow. They're only 1 and 3 and it breaks my heart to see them leave for such a long time ( at least to me it is). This by far has been the hardest part of the divorce. I'm praying for comfort for both of us.
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Mia2003
Hi,

I think he does spend time with them alone, much to ow annoyance I imagine.

His behaviour is ridiculous. My mil is taking them away this weekend and she asked her son to come with them. He apparently isn't going as he wanted an invite for ow and her daughter also and mil wouldn't give it!! So he is sacrificing an extra weekend with his kids for her. The man is mental
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