Bahar
My husband and I are married for 4 years . We or I finally decided to have a family . While I conceived my husband was acting cold towards me and he disclosed with me that he doesn't want my pregnancy . Regardless , what he wanted , I kept my pregnancy . Now I have a sweet little boy . During my pregnancy my husband was traveling for business and while his visit to Japan and he cheated . When he came back home he was very distant and cold towards me . I was keep asking if we were okay , or what's going on? But he refused to tell me what's going on. Two weeks before giving birth, I caught my husband talking to his mistress in the bathroom and telling her how much he loves. I confirmed him and he admitted his cheating. We are still living under the same roof but different rooms . He told me that he fell out of love with me and it lead him yo sleep with someone else .
Before my husband and I were married he was having a total of one year affair with his married female cowarker. I also took action to reveal his affair. I wanted to walk away during his first affair but he told me that he is sorry and he will never take same action . But he cheated on me again . I'm going to fille for a divorce but I don't want him to be part of my sons life because I love my son so much that I can raise him alone. My husband now says that he is messed up because of his first affair . I don't know what to do now ?
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TimT
Bahar wrote:
... I wanted to walk away during his first affair but he told me that he is sorry and he will never take same action . But he cheated on me again . I'm going to fille for a divorce but I don't want him to be part of my sons life because I love my son so much that I can raise him alone. My husband now says that he is messed up because of his first affair. I don't know what to do now?

There is a lot to address here, but let me just say a few things and maybe others will give their input as well.

If your husband has repeated affair behavior, it cannot be enough for him to simply say, "Oops, I made a mistake. Sorry, I won't do it again. Repeated behavior demonstrates a pattern that needs to be addressed by your husband, not by you. He needs to be willing to be honest about his problem and work toward change. If not, then you will remain vulnerable. Perhaps that is why you are filing for divorce, because you do not see that kind of change in him.

If he is "messed up" from his affair(s) then HE needs to do whatever is necessary to get help. Of course, if it is simply a shallow confession, he will expect you to accept his apology and move on without doing that work. I hope you will not accept that.

Whatever your hurt/pain is, you need to encourage a healthy relationship between your son and his father. THIS IS IMPORTANT FOR YOUR SON. Unless you believe there is risk of harm to him, you should set your sense of justice aside to do what is best for your son... and a healthy relationship with his father is an important thing. I hope you both can agree to cooperate in that regard.

Of course, you shouldn't do your husband's work for him. If he is not actively engaged in trying to connect with his son, you cannot make that happen. But don't stand it the way of it, either.
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hmichelle
I completely agree with Tim!  Do not make an emotional decision concerning your son and his father.  Just because he was not what you needed in a partner does not mean he cant be a good father to his son.  This is not ideal but if the love you have for your son is as strong as I know it is, then you need to work hard to co-parent.  This is for you son's benefit.  
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Bahar
Thank you , Tim, I'm letting my husband be part of my sons life . He is a good dad . I was going over his first affair and I can't believe I stayed with my husband . He used to invite his AP to parties such as Bday and other events . His AP was also married . I don't think I can stay with my husband , he was never honest to me about his affairs . I asked him that if his current AP knew that he had a wife ( a pregnant wife ) his response is that his AP knew he had someone . I don't know how he ended his affair , but I sensed a FB message to his AP telling her that I'm his wife He is immature and I'm not going to teach him things .
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