I haven't seen much on this topic, but I'm going to throw out a few things:

I'm an introvert. Over my lifetime, I've worked on meaningful relationships with a handful of people. Not to say I don't have lots of acquaintances and superficial relationships, but the ones that are really important to me are few.

My WW is an extrovert. I shouldn't really pretend to know the nature of most of her relationships at this point, but I do know that prior our romantic relationship, she had many many more friendships that I did.

Our relationship cultivated itself mostly as a friendship moving forward to romance. She was one of my very few real friendships and I was one of her many many friendships. When we got married, I transferred MY friends to the OUR friends status-old friends, co-worker friends, even family members-- "If they aren't a friend to my wife, they aren't a friend to me." I still believe this is the proper approach.

Of course, as time moves on old friends and co-workers come and go, family develops their own families, etc. but when my wife's shift toward the Affair started, the lines of who's friend is who's started blurring pretty terribly. Certain old friends started showing back up on her side and OUR friends who were HER friends easily shifted back to HER friends, but not so much on my side.  Of course, I write it off as jealousy or that there's something wrong with me--"maybe they never really were MY friends to begin with," but I also wonder how I am perceived to those who don't have all or any of the details (nor do I really want them to have for my CS sake). I know many people choose to "not get involved," for various reasons, but sometimes the message is sent that neither party is worth being a friend to.  Maybe this is just my work to do on myself to develop more confidence.

Does anyone have similar experiences of losing your social network due to the affair?
Does your self-worth take a hit because of what you think people are thinking about your situation?
How much does introverted/extroverted play a role in 1. finding friendly support for your role in the affair? 2. contributing availability of the AP?
Are there a lot of members who have friends that are involved too much/too little and how does that affect your recovery?


Quote 0 0