Hayley47 Show full post »
ALRUI
All very well stated RisingEagle!
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blythespirit
I think you are doing the right thing and I'm not sure that I would call what you were doing while about to marry and since being married an emotional affair.  I do know that were I your husband, I would be hurt and angry that he was behaving that way towards you, and you were tolerating it, even if not encouraging.  I would want to know about it, as well.  Just because I do agree that secrets between married couples are corrosive and will likely negatively effect the intimacy.  But, you know your situation and your husband better than anyone, and so I believe you are in the best position to make that call.

And, as an aside, I think I would reframe the way you look at that other relationship.  It saddened me when you said something about him being the "one that got away."  That mindset will harm you and your marriage.  Better to look at it, in my opinion, as him being the one your husband saved you from.  The former AP sounds worthless and I hope you know that you are worth more than to jump every time he snaps his fingers.

Change your perspective and you change your life.  I wish you good luck.
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anthropoidape
As usual I agree with Blythespirit. 
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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Hayley47
I can't believe people are still commenting on this post so feel I need to update you all. 
I told my husband after writing on this forum.. He was very understanding more than I deserved. I have had zero contact with MM and he continues to be blocked, he tried to email me through work but I ignored it. I can't block him from my work email unfortunately. I also went to seek councilling who said I had two paths in front of me one will destroy my marriage the other will make it stronger than ever.. I chose the right path. 
My husband is more attentive as a result and I feel very happy and want to stay this way forever. We've booked a holiday and I've even bought a dog for company. Im letting go of the guilt now and moving on and can promise you all that I'll never fall in this trap again it's just not worth it. 
I actually finally feel free from it all and it's such a great feeling. Thank you all so much.. Some harsh comments but I needed them.  Much love 
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Hayley47
RisingEagle wrote:
Also, if you do send a letter to AP's wife, get ready, the lying, manipulative, selfish AP will come running to you because he will have no where else to go, and you've shown him that you're easy and believe all his lies. 

Don't destroy you're family for a selfish liar!

He will lay it on real thick, how much he's missed you, how he's glad to finally be able to be with you, how he's tried to give you space over the years, but how he just couldn't resist you because he loves you so much.

The gifts, compliments, all the romance movie like manipulations will be real thick, so get ready. 

Men like this know what every woman wants and wants to hear, and sadly many women fall for it.

A man who truly loves and adores a woman wants to protect and provide for her. 

Manipulative liars will say these kinds of things to you but words come easy for liars like this.

I would say put it to the test, is he really going to marry you and forsake all others? 

You already know the answer is no. 

He told you he was going to stop your wedding, run off together, etc...didn't happen did it.

Also, he clearly doesn't know how to forsake all others for his wife. Do you really want to be in his wife's shoes?

Don't leave your family for someone as damaged as this!

Like I said in the previous post, you imagine that you're situation is different, that you're different, that he's different, that people just don't understand. 

Sorry, it's all falling for satantic lies that deceived all the AP's & WS to this site.

Why is it most of us have to learn things the hard way instead of being wise enough to learn from all those that have gone before us?

Learn from other's mistakes, but if you choose to ignore the truths being told to you right now, well, you'll be crying to everyone later because you've been amply warned, and you'll have no excuse.

I guess if you do ignore truth, it's better for your husband and kids in the long wrong.

I'm waiting for my WS to face some truths, but if he doesn't, well it's really best for me and my son to be cut off from his darkness anyway. 

I'm getting healthier, which is why in his current state of lying, denying, perversion, and manipulating, I don't want to be connected to all this darkness in my life or for my son's life.

God truly is going to have to do a miracle in his heart and mind for me to stay.  

I'm staying until God gives me the release to go, or if I get proof of his contact during the last 3 years of our so called restoration.

We can never be restored until he comes clean. 

His lies have kept our family in satan's domain and rule for all these years, enough is enough.

Unless he brings EVERYTHING into the light, I am gone!



 
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Hayley47
Wow rising eagle this really touched me. So so very true. I wish you nothing but the best and hope it all works out for you x
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Negarcia
Haley47 

Thank you for the update.  It is great to hear that you and your husband are moving forward and you have realize that you made a huge mistake.  I am a BS but still feel it is important that both the BS & WS heal together.
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