Feelinghopefulsometimes Show full post »
My wife’s car is the last thing I want to get rid of. I haven’t already done it, mainly because I felt like it would be a reward. “You cheated on me, and your AP rode in that car, so I’m going to buy you a new one”. So it will be 4 year from d-day in about 2 weeks. I am getting ready to buy her a new car.  I have only been in that car a couple of times since d-day. We there was no other choice. I’m at a place now where I can sell, in the earlier years, I wanted to light it on fire. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 1 0
I couldn’t even sit on our old couch without being horribly triggered. Each time I’d sit, I’d flash back to “this is where we were sitting when he told me”. We tossed it in the dumpster. 

We moved two two months later, an unexpected forced move. 

We move in in two weeks, finally to a place of our own choice. 

I don’t feel triggered in this house, but the newness feels refreshing. It feels intentional, and new. Purposeful, and future driven.
I find it incredibly helpful. 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
Quote 2 0
2 weeks after DDay- my WH came home and had withdrew 50gs from his retirement account to "redecorate".....I was in such a daze I had no idea what was going on....we had just started counseling and I didn't know if I was coming or going.   I know now that he did it as a distraction, but also, our home had gotten very depressing....it was not a home but a museum....a mausoleum.  Empty, no energy, no life.  14 year old furniture, rooms not being used-just set up for show....it was empty, like our marriage had become.    So, he dragged me along to pick out furniture, paint, floors, new kitchen appliances....the works!!!   It was a complete distraction for the both of us....contractors in the house for  2 months, busy busy busy......because we both were in a hell of a daze.   However, I will say it did help bring a new fresh "light" to the home......helped with the stagnant depressing aura in the house.........but, it was solely a distraction he perpetrated.............
Quote 2 0
I, too, decided I wanted to move. When I broke the news, I was ready for my WH to say no...and I was also ready to move without him. 

The affair was definitely a big reason for the move, but not the only one. Still, it felt like I was lying when I told people I was moving for a different climate and a change of pace (we went from large suburb to small town). But now, it feels more true. I am so much happier in our new place, and I feel like it has really helped us work towards healing.

Plus, we moved from his hometown. His family was there. He basically lived there his whole life. Starting over in a new place has really changed him. He is FINALLY working towards being his own, independent person. I don’t think all of that could have happened if we had stayed.

 Being in the house was triggering. Sometimes, while we were driving home, my whole body was screaming “don’t make me go there.” In spite of all that, I thought I should be stronger. I felt guilty for a long time about wanting to move because of the affair. It is so comforting and validating to read all of your stories of moving, redecorating, and purging. I know I made the right choice for myself—and I am glad to know other people have done the same.
Quote 4 0
My wife (WS) was the one who was desperate to move. In retrospect I should have been just as desperate to. I was pretty ambivalent about our staying together at that time. She was finding the environment we were in unbearable. It was definitely a good move for our prospects of staying together and all kinds of moving on, fresh start and so on.

Cost a bomb though.
Formerly known as Anthropoidape... male bs, long affair, d-day Feb 2017.
Quote 1 0
My husband and I just moved recently. We are 18 months post d-day. For us it was the right decision but I am glad we waited to ensure we weren’t doing it as a knee-jerk reaction early on.
My spouse’s AP lived very close by to our old house so I couldn’t stand being there anymore, even though the affair didn’t take place directly in our home. 
I immediately felt a sense of relief moving to the new house. It’s not a cure, and I still needed to do a lot of work together and apart  but it definitely helped. 
Female, BS 2 years post DDay
Quote 3 0