djeremiah
So my wife and I have been working together closely trying to recover. It’s been 6mo since DDay but only one since NC. I’m a WS. So tonight I got a message from my AP’s boyfriend out of the blue:

“Hello mate, sessions greetings as you guys would say.....any ho, as you may have gathered (or not) [AP’s Name] wants nothing to do with you anymore. She knows you have been cheating on your wife whilst you was on [location]. However, I also know all about what happened between you and her up until this point(all the exchanging of word porn for the past 18 months etc whilst we was dating)...I only send you this message as an understating that you have only been using her and will continue to use her as and when your feeling lonely/away on a course i.e photo’s etc. If you try to contact her again in any way shape or form, I will be forced to contact your wife and tell her everything what has happened between you guys (which I’m sure you don’t want).....this is not a warning...take care, enjoy life.”


Honestly I have no idea what to do with this. My AP told me she was single when we were together so I didn’t know until just before we went NC that she had a boyfriend. Now I’ve hurt one more person with my selfishness. I’m glad she came clean with him, although I’m pretty confused what to do with this. My wife knows everything including the time of communication up to NC.
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anthropoidape
As far as what to do with it... it is in the category of NC. Don't even reply. Clearly they too have a hard road ahead. I could make some suggestions about where he is at if he sent this, but it really doesn't matter.

Although you may bear some responsibility in a sense, any interaction you might engage in could only do more damage anyway. 
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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Kiki
You also have to tell your wife about what just happened.  If you want to save your marriage you have to be completely honest and transparent with her. She may be upset at first, but she will eventually appreciate your honesty.
And absolutely no more contact!! 
D-Day#1 Dec 19, 2017
D-Day#2 Jan 13, 2018
5 year “on/off affair”
Separated

Married 25 years, together 35
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ALRUI
I agree, just ignore it and dont justify the empty threat with any sort of reply!
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Keepabuzz
I would inform your wife of this correspondence. This will show 100% transparency. Then I would completely ignore it. He is basically saying do not contact his girlfriend again. Honestly, that message is WAY, WAY, WAY nicer than I would have been. Do not contact him, or her. Stick to NC.  
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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djeremiah
Thanks all, the first thing I did was inform my wife. She’s hurt because it’s one more reminder, which is difficult because it feels like so many steps backwards. I’m so tired of hurting and causing hurt, and now it’s coming back when it’s not even in my control. Thanks for all the advice, it’s well taken. 
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Keepabuzz
djeremiah wrote:
Thanks all, the first thing I did was inform my wife. She’s hurt because it’s one more reminder, which is difficult because it feels like so many steps backwards. I’m so tired of hurting and causing hurt, and now it’s coming back when it’s not even in my control. Thanks for all the advice, it’s well taken. 


I’m sure it hurt your wife, BUT you WERE honest about it. She will appreciate that, even if she can’t express it. If you had not told her about, and she found out, it would have been many, many more steps backwards. Keep living honestly...
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Kiki
You did the right thing!!!
old cliche.... honesty is the best policy..... but ole soooooo true!!
Take solace in that..... you did good😘
D-Day#1 Dec 19, 2017
D-Day#2 Jan 13, 2018
5 year “on/off affair”
Separated

Married 25 years, together 35
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MC
You did the best thing you could have done by telling your wife and disregarding the contact.

Every time my wife took an opportunity to be ENTIRELY forthcoming with me I felt just a little bit more safe.  My WW and her AP both agreed to NC, but he broke it several times.  EVERY time she told me.  I feel confident that she has told me every time because she's told me of some pretty incidental contact.  She's also told me about a few messages that she did not know that I intercepted.

In my mind, when this would happen it hurt, but it built trust.  I likened it to one step back, two steps forward.  And each time he reached out and she turned away it was one more nail in his narcissistic coffin.  What a great feeling!

Male BS, D-day 3-15-17
________________
Male BS
D-Day 3.15.2017


Taking care of myself, as we all deserve to do.
Encouraging all to bolster their: Emotional Health, Physical Health and Spiritual Health
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