My WS and I .... have decided to write down a list of things we wish to leave behind for 2017 and burn them in a fire !!! It is our hope that 2018 will be a fresh new start.
Here is one thing that I want to say. My WS, cheated on me 1x, and this am I positive of.... however: want to let you all know that 1x is just as hurtful as 1000x. The 1st cut is surely the deepest and none other after that will ever compare. I also believe that WE are the strong and blessed ones: it is them who were weak and pathetic, not us, something has to be said for that right ??? Yesterday, my WS spouse said to me that he would never ever hurt me like that again......... unfortunately I am not sure what the hell that actually means. Does it mean that he will hide it better, or that he will just leave our marriage, I dont know and honestly I am still to fragile to ask. Perhaps I am too fragile to do anything about it. But I will say this...... I said to him " Don't ever think that your actions don't have a HUGE impact on the life of another person, especially one who has truly loved you. Do not underestimate the ultimate power of your decisions, they have a ripple effect. " I also told him that he can NOT hurt me more than I have been through so from here.... well it's easier then what I have been through". He was saddened by my words and I was comforting to him because I try to lead by example.. so there is that. I still hold anger and extreme disappointment but the only choice for me is to do the work to make things better or not to do the work and to leave. My faith says to keep on keeping on and to grow through this and see where it takes me. "T"
BS - DDay July 2017
O GOD, take me, break me, make me.