Question for those trying to reconcile and rebuild their marriage after an affair. Are you and your spouse doing marriage counseling together? Also TimT, do you feel that this is vital on the road to recovery?...
Couples (and individuals) can recover from an affair without counseling. But I do think that if ever couples counseling can be strongly recommended, it is after an affair. (Since I'm a counselor, you can take my opinion with a grain of salt.)
And here's why I feel strongly about joint counseling... The obstacle that need to be overcome after an affair are huge. Many couples do not possess the resources to do this on their own. For others, the path to recovery will be shorter and more certain with the help of a qualified counselor.
But perhaps the most significant benefit of a good counselor is in helping the couple address the issues that get in their way of real intimacy and trust. Often, couples are so use to their patterns that they are blind to their "stuff" and need help to understand it... and change it.
If the goal of recovery is to avoid divorce and stay married, counseling can be beneficial but probably less necessary. But if the goal of recovery is the experience of deeper intimacy and re-established trust, many couples will likely never get there without some help.