AHMember44
Question for those trying to reconcile and rebuild their marrraige after an affair. Are you and your spouse doing marriage counseling together?

Also TimT, do you feel that this is vital on the road to recovery?

(Just to clarify....we each do individual counseling. We had been doing months and months of marriage counseling too but we dropped our therapist and we are having a hard time finding a new one with availability.)

Thanks!
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surviving
AHMember44 - My husband (the WS) had individual counseling that really helped him.  We worked through a program together from:  http://www.marriagesherpa.com/surviving-infidelity-how-to-survive-an-affair - that cost $100.  Our friends and mentors listened to us, gave us advice and answered our questions.  We never went to a counselor as a couple.  Yet, the "Surviving an Affair" is like counseling, but you have to read the lesson and do the homework yourself.  My husband also did "Setting Captives Free" which is a free online program for porn addiction - yet it helped him with his sexual addiction too.  We have read TONS of books, blogs and emails about the subject.  We aren't reconciled yet, but we are working on it.
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Graceandhope
My husband did individual and we went to see two different therapists for an initial visit but, honestly I was not in a frame of mind to be there. I am thinking we probably will eventually, but right now we are in a pretty good place. I still have moments but I can't decide which would be a better move individual or couples. At the moment with things feeling pretty stable I'm a little reluctant to rock the boat
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TimT
AHMember44 wrote:
Question for those trying to reconcile and rebuild their marriage after an affair. Are you and your spouse doing marriage counseling together? Also TimT, do you feel that this is vital on the road to recovery?...

Couples (and individuals) can recover from an affair without counseling. But I do think that if ever couples counseling can be strongly recommended, it is after an affair. (Since I'm a counselor, you can take my opinion with a grain of salt.)

And here's why I feel strongly about joint counseling... The obstacle that need to be overcome after an affair are huge. Many couples do not possess the resources to do this on their own. For others, the path to recovery will be shorter and more certain with the help of a qualified counselor.

But perhaps the most significant benefit of a good counselor is in helping the couple address the issues that get in their way of real intimacy and trust. Often, couples are so use to their patterns that they are blind to their "stuff" and need help to understand it... and change it.

If the goal of recovery is to avoid divorce and stay married, counseling can be beneficial but probably less necessary. But if the goal of recovery is the experience of deeper intimacy and re-established trust, many couples will likely never get there without some help.
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