TimT
If you've read enough content on AffairHealing.com, you know that "Mark's Story" is really my story. When I originally added it to the website (2009), I decided to post it anonymously since I didn't necessarily want people's first judgement of me to be "Oh, that guy who had an affair." Shame won again.

If I had it to do over again, I'd probably call it "Tim's Story" because I'm very open about my affair. But over the years the story has gained so much search engine and link traffic that I decided to keep it unchanged, other than eventually adding the "Interview" as a way to respond to questions commonly asked by readers.

Here's how the story was first written...

A few years after my affair, I felt it would be therapeutic to review that experience as honestly as I could. Google's Blogger was a fairly new product that I hardly understood, but I decided to use it to journal my affair experience. So, I started writing it out like an online diary, a day at a time.

I thought it was a private blog, since I had told nobody about it. But I didn't realize Google allowed its users to randomly browse other blogs. So I was surprised when, after a couple days, the first comment showed up.

In the days and weeks that followed, people posted links to the blog. Even though I made it very clear that I was writing about a past event, many users thought I was caught in the middle of the affair. Their comments ranged between the extremes (from "you should go to hell" to "I think everybody should feel guilt-free about having as many partners as they want"), but most were trying to encourage me toward healthy choices.

Another site republished the blog and the story became so popular that I eventually decided to shut down the blog due to my inability to keep up with all the comments and contacts. When I created AffairHealing.com several years later, "Mark's Story" was part of the original content.

Since Then

In a twist of grace, I eventually met and began falling in love with a women whose previous husband had multiple affairs. She swore she would never date a man who had ever cheated. Long story short: We eventually married. Sharon eventually became my partner in business and we work together as counselors to help others find healing from their pain and brokenness.

That's the weird thing about grace... it grants us good things we know we don't deserve and these gifts often come out of our brokenness, not just despite them. I would not have the marriage (or career) I have now without going through all my stuff.

But I am passionate about helping others find their way to a better outcome without the regrets I racked up along the way. Maximizing change; minimizing consequences. We're all still figuring this stuff out, aren't we?
Quote 0 0
TimT
A man's full, detailed account of an affair that ended his marriage. You can read Mark's Story online using the link below, or download the PDF version (attached) for offline reading.

http://www.affairhealing.com/mark-affair-story.html
Quote 0 0
Scarlett
As I read this story the first thing that comes to my mind as the MOW who was abandoned by the MM after D-Day was why did he not attempt to rekindle the A? He asked for NC, but I was able to get him to engage in conversations twice on the phone in the first two months. I made it known to him I still wanted him. He was able to be strong and it made me question everything he ever said. How could someone who promised to leave his W for me be able to throw me away so easily?
Quote 0 0
TimT
AHmember127 wrote:
As I read this story the first thing that comes to my mind as the MOW who was abandoned by the MM after D-Day was why did he not attempt to rekindle the A? He asked for NC, but I was able to get him to engage in conversations twice on the phone in the first two months. I made it known to him I still wanted him. He was able to be strong and it made me question everything he ever said. How could someone who promised to leave his W for me be able to throw me away so easily?


When the story is reversed (a MM stays with the OW), the betrayed spouse asks the same questions: "How could someone who promised his life to me throw me away so easily?" It's a painful dilemma either way. And it does reflect the presence of a "brokenness" that feeds the conflict.

You might want to post more about your story in the Other Woman/Man forum to see if others have stories like yours. They may offer insight that will help.
Quote 0 0
Courage
I sent this story to my husband a couple of months ago when I stumbled upon it. At the time, he was staying in a motel bc I asked him to give me some space. He was miserable being away from home and I feel this story was the first insight he had into what he was feeling in the thrones of his affair and the damage it was and could cause to our family. It was the first thing he read that gave him some validation that he wasn't a monster. Even the WS needs to find validation that they are good people who lost there way. I believe this story was a beginning point for him to understand what the affair was really about. When I found this story, I cried uncontrollably. There was so much about it that was our story. Like you tim/mark, we struggle with trying to heal at different times. I can only hope we can find the same page together so we can heal as one. At this point, I feel we are getting there. We are in a place of connection we've never been. The pain and lies though of it all hold me back from opening my heart and soul up to him. I have an enormous amount to give. I know I can give what he wants, and what I so want to give. I struggle with whether he is deserving of it, or should I save it for another who wouldn't hurt me to these depths! I struggle daily. I am worthy of love- I am worthy of being accepted of who I am- flaws and all!!
Quote 0 0
TimT
Courage, I cannot tell you how much this post moved me. This is the very hope I have for telling my story. Thank you! And if your husband ever wants to email me and tell me how he's doing, I'd love to hear from him. tim@currentscounseling.com
Quote 0 0
TimeToFly
Courage wrote:
I I can only hope we can find the same page together so we can heal as one. At this point, I feel we are getting there. We are in a place of connection we've never been. The pain and lies though of it all hold me back from opening my heart and soul up to him. I have an enormous amount to give. I know I can give what he wants, and what I so want to give. I struggle with whether he is deserving of it, or should I save it for another who wouldn't hurt me to these depths! I struggle daily. I am worthy of love- I am worthy of being accepted of who I am- flaws and all!!


Courage, thank you for sharing this. At least you feel like you are getting there & that's positive. Being in a place of connection that you've never been in before shows that you both are working hard & I think that's so important. It has to come from a place of wanting to work on things together since one person can't do it all by themselves nor should they have to. 

My ex-husband didn't want to do the hard work that was required. When I look back on everything there was such a small window of time where I really felt he was committed to me & our marriage & family again. In the end I realized I was wishing & wanting something that I was never going to have since his heart wasn't loving me the right way. It's hard to accept that & in some ways I'm not sure I ever will. 


Quote 0 0