I needed to know everything personally. My counsel or advised against it but in the end it was the right decision for me and I have no regrets knowing the details.
to me, at a minimum you need to know who, and what and how many times. If he isn’t willing to say who there is likely a reason for this (I would suggest it is possibly a friend or family member of yours if he is resistant to disclose). You also need to know at least vaguely what to determine if you need to be tested for STI’s and to be able to protect your health. Not necessarily positions but you should at least know if there was sex and if it was protected etc.
I think you also need to know how many time or over what period of time because this will help you determine what type of affair this was and how you can move forward.
He was I a talking mood yesterday and I got a lot of questions answered. It wasn’t easy to hear but nothing completely shocking. It was not just 1 night in June and it was emotional and sex. 😢 I was very calm through all of it, I decided from the beginning we shouldn’t discuss it inside the house and absolutely never in bed, also no serious discussion while he’s drinking.
I have some time and a place where I can be alone after work and my dog is going to create a Facebook account and dig into who these people are. He asked me not to search with my profile, since I have no desire to communicate with either of them I’m OK with that.
He immediately started drinking when I stopped asking questions. The guilt is killing him, he keeps asking why I’m still here, sometimes I ask myself the same.
I never suspected it was one of my friends, it was a former coworker and someone from high school. I confirmed the most recent is the one I suspected before he cleared his FB friends out. The first I have met once, our kids where invited to one of her kids birthday parties we all went as a family (that was really stupid). She is still married and has 2 cute kids.He is doing his own reading now, I hope it helps. He needs to find someone other than his mother for relationship advice. I hope what she is telling him isn’t as spectacularly bad as what she told me.
For those suggesting getting tested for STIs that’s been done and we are both clear. Which was very nice to hear since we’ve had more sex in the last month than the last year. It’s frustrating at times when I just want to be mad but it seems to clear my head.
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