"Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest on reciprocity." C. S. Lewis
"Cheating isn't just a selfish act. People think they sell their souls when they sacrifice their integrity and honor. But that would imply that the soul is separate from the person." C. S. Lewis also wrote, "You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body. This means only one thing for men in affairs: in betraying your significant other, you betray yourself and the essence of who you are."
So clearly, C.S. Lewis, is not a fan of affairs.
I think most BS would agree that they did not feel they were loved during their spouse's affair. So, was the love of the BS "wasted" because it was unreciprocated? Because it was based on a lie? Or was the joy of experiencing the love (as we felt it when we were blissfully in the dark) its own reward?
Wow, this is a really thought provoking quote for me as a BS to consider. Let's assume that C.S. Lewis is correct, "Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest on reciprocity." So based on that quote, as a BS, the love that I gave my WS during her affair was not wasted. Wow, that's hard to accept. My love for her as I maintained my vow of fidelity HAD to be different in value than her love for me as she broke her vow. Right? BUT, she did an outstanding job of keeping the wool over my eyes. I did feel loved. As her 18 week affair persisted from late October 2016 through mid February 2017, I can point to several instances where I really felt loved. There are specific events, not the least of which were our oldest son's birthday, Thanksgiving, a family trip to the mountains for a long weekend in a cabin, Our 11th wedding anniversary, Christmas, New Years, college football bowl season which we enjoy together, Valentine's Day, my Birthday, her Birthday. In all of these events I loved her and I felt like she loved me. Our Christmas card that year had one of the most wonderful family pictures of my Wife, myself and our two young sons. We had taken it on a creek in a beautiful setting on our family trip to a mountain cabin. I have a hard time looking at that picture now. Looking at all of our smiles, maybe especially hers, or maybe especially mine. Was my love for her wasted? Maybe not. I loved her genuinely as unbeknownst to me she betrayed me, herself and our family. Was my love reciprocated during those 18 months? Maybe not. Even though I was fooled into thinking that it was.
________________ Male BS D-Day 3.15.2017 Taking care of myself, as we all deserve to do. Encouraging all to bolster their: Emotional Health, Physical Health and Spiritual Health