dennmu
Well its been 4 months now since I learned of the affair. I have been asking lots of questions. I'm still haunted by many things about the affair. My wife and I have pledged to rebuild, but we are on very different pages.

So right now I feel lost. I love my wife, but she doesn't talk. She doesn't have any interest in sleeping with me. She has slid into a depression, which hurts me to see. The truth came out by me doing an a paternity test on our dauguhter. So I'm now playing dad to a child that's not mine, I love her but I don't feel like her father, top that off with insecurity of our future, a depressed wife that doesn't seem to desire me, it's all so much to take that I seriously want to run.

Anyone have and words of wisdom or story to help me stick through it? I'm really hurting.
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dennmu
She just started therapy today for depression and we are in couples therapy, which really doesn't seem to be helping. I feel attacked everytime we talked to the therapist, not by my wife but the therapist herself. She always tells me I'm too emotionally attached to my wife and that wether I like it or not I had a part in my wife's affair.
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TimT
dennmu wrote:
...She always tells me I'm too emotionally attached to my wife and that wether I like it or not I had a part in my wife's affair.

Ugh. Are you sure that's what the counselor is saying? You had a part in your marriage (for good and bad), not in the affair. 

Are you too emotionally attached? If your wife is still wavering, maybe you need to stop trying to fix things. Give some distance and see if she is able/willing to come to clarity. The Wayward Spouse eBook talks about this.
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surviving
dennmu - It sounds like your therapist isn't a very good one.  There is NOTHING you did to cause the affair.  That choice was made by your WS and your WS only.  It doesn't matter if you had a lousy marriage, they made the choice.  They didn't ask you if it was o.k.  They didn't ask your permission to give away what only belonged to you.  No, they are completely in the wrong, it is their responsibility.  It sounds like you need a different therapist that specializes in affairs.

When I was confronted with my husband's affair, the pastor started in on me.  If I was a better wife, if I had more sex, if I paid attention more to my husband than our six children, and on and on.  I have served my husband and children for years.  I never did anything for myself without one to six children tagging along.  I wasn't allowed to buy me any clothes, because we didn't have enough money.  Yet, my children and husband had plenty of clothes.  We only ran out of money when the clothes were for me.  I could go on. 

I have been told by my husband's counselor, many books and websites, that I did nothing wrong to cause my husband's MANY affairs.  It was his choice.  It was his responsibility.  Your counselor is totally wrong in that regard.
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