My husband's affair spanned a 10 year period. They had a "light" affair at the start for 18 months. It ended and they had nothing for about 7 years. Then it started back up and went on for another 18 months. DDay for me was about 6 months ago. I didn't know about the first affair until I discovered the second. Both times were when I was unavailable for my husband first due to illness and the second time we were moving across the country and I had gone ahead first.
Oh boy do I wish I would have found the first because I now think we could have avoided the second which was much more powerful, emotional and destructive to my husband and in turn myself.
Knowledge is power! It's good you know and I certainly relate to what you are expressing. I'm sure you could find my posts on here where I was expressing distress about the length of time his affair went on. I struggled with that for a bit but it ultimately came down to the fact that I loved him. I also had to acknowledge how I contributed to the circumstances that allowed him to make the decision to cross the line.
But I am such a different place today! It's early yet but my husband and I are starting to learn some things that are helping us create a GREAT marriage! I have such wonderful hope for us now.
We are both so happy right now. I wish this for everyone!
I am so happy for you. My husband has 3 affairs and is currently In his 3rd. I didn't think I would want to stay but I have because I love him. But he is obsessed with his current OW. The thing is they don't see each other often and he comes home to be with us vs. Her. I know I'm holding on to hope but I'm moving on for my well being and my kids. It's super hard to wonder why , why ,why or should have, would have, could have. But I can't anymore he has been a bit honest and she wants him to meet her dad but he doesn't want too. It's super sad for me but I told him today that he needs to figure it out and not be on the fence but not rushing him to figure it out because he needs to be all in or all out.
I'm so happy for you and your husband.