I had a boyfriend in college who told me that if we were to ever get married he was going to cheat on me. At the time, I was upset that he was telling me this. I was young and inexperienced. Luckily, I broke up with him. About a year later I met my husband who is the complete opposite of that loser. Now that I’m older and wiser, I now see my old boyfriend was a narcissist. I never felt good about myself with him. He would make comments about my intelligence, but, since I had not been around someone like him before, I didn’t understand what was happening. He would tell me stories about him visiting brothels and his experiences with the women there. I count myself very lucky of having the good sense of letting him go. If we had gotten married, I would have been one of many instead of his one and only.
For those of you that have been cheated on, my heart goes to you. I did hear a counselor say that in her 30 years of helping couples, more often that not, it’s the person that cheats that is putting the least amount of effort into the relationship. Unfortunately, some people just aren’t marriage material. When life gets hard, the only thing they can think of doing is have an affair instead of having a conversation with their partner.
Growing up, my father had affairs. I come from a very small town. Everybody knows everybody. I was around 9 or 10 when I found out. I was on the playground when I had 4 or 5 kids come towards me laughing. One said, “ Ha, ha. Your dad has a girlfriend.” They continued laughing and finally left not knowing the bomb they had just thrown my way.
I told myself, “My dad doesn’t have a girlfriend. He’s married to my mom.”
My eyes were open then. I remembered the times hearing my mom crying behind closed doors and hearing them argue in front of us. My older sister recounted the time my mom and dad were arguing and my dad raised his hand to slap her, but she quickly got between them to keep him from hurting her.
You love your parents, but I had no respect for him. All that arguing made me a very insecure person. I never really understood why. I was watching a video about Elton John talking about how while growing, his parents argued which made him a very insecure child and made it hard for him to stick up for himself. That’s when I realized the same thing happened to me. It’s very hard for me to stick up for myself, and sometimes people take advantage of that. I now think that’s why that old boyfriend was attracted to me because of my insecurities. Being a narcissist, he took advantage of me being insecure. Now that I”m older, I now know that there is no way I would have given him the time of day knowing what I know now. I was very inexperienced. Never dated because my father was very strict with us. I started dating in college and came across a lot of frogs. Luckily, I met my husband. He may not be a prince, but he’s a lot better than some of those toads I dated. Best of luck to all of you.