I have recently discovered how much my hatred of my ex AP is damaging me.
It's been a huge insight, I still work alongside him and I find that with everything he does I focus on the negative exclusively. When I see how fat he is - it's because he is greedy and lazy When I see him being nice (to anyone) - it's because he has a hidden agenda When he is having fun - he is pretending. If he says something superficial - he's superficial If he says something deep - he is pretending to be clever. I never realised how much my hatred of him and my background running thoughts of extracting revenge were actually poisoning me. I am now trying to over-ride these thoughts - with my husbands support I might add 😉 Trying to see the neutral and take things at face value. I am not aiming for a friendship, I am not even aiming to be amicable. I just need to let go of the hatred, the desire for him to be punished properly. I had not realised that I was effectively trying to punish him but only really punishing myself. I am ready to forgive and move forward with love. That's got to be a good thing. Ultimately these things have to be denied any power over you. I don't know if I'd prefer my wife to be neutrul toward her AP or to hate him, but from the outside it seems like genuine indifference is probably the healthiest.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.
BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.